Coach other vets- Help w/Listen...How can I help?

[Ready2Change]

My GF needs to vent. I listen. I understand. I have huge desires to "give unsolicited advise".

At points in the conversation:

I say "How can I help?"

She responds with "I don't know."

I am interested in more insight and guidance in this area.

Thanks in advance!

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Not sure if I fall into your category R2C.

When my wife is talking to me venting, I had to retrain myself not to offer advice and not ask if she needed help.

Either before she starts speaking or shortly after once I realize this is going to be a long time listening, I'll ask her simply:

"Are you looking for advice? Or for me to listen?"

That lets me know what to do.

From my point of view and a few articles.
In most cases.
Women talk about problems to vent/stress relief.
Men talk about problems for advice/help.

[Coach]

Don't try to fix it.

"And then what happened?"

"what does ____ say about that?"

"I bet that is frustrating for you."

"It does sound like her knickers were in a twist."

"Why do you think she said that?"

"What were you thinking while this was going on?"

"I can imagine your face now."

"How did you keep from laughing/scratching her eyes out/crying?"


Venting is just that, she wants to share her feelings so engage them. I still get surprised when I think I did nothing to help and I get complimented for helping her.

[Ready2Change]

I still get surprised when I think I did nothing to help and I get complimented for helping her.

By talking, she goes from stressed to relaxed.

The hard part for me is the amount of information that comes out and remembering all the details...

[Coach]

The hard part for me is the amount of information that comes out and remembering all the details...

I get into it and imagine it like I'm watching a show. I try to imagine the people, place, dailouge, expressions etc. Make it a story to follow along with.

Yep, you are toast when you get asked a question and you were daydreaming.

[DazednBefuddled]

Don't try to fix it.

"And then what happened?"

"what does ____ say about that?"

"I bet that is frustrating for you."

"It does sound like her knickers were in a twist."

"Why do you think she said that?"

"What were you thinking while this was going on?"

"I can imagine your face now."

"How did you keep from laughing/scratching her eyes out/crying?"


Venting is just that, she wants to share her feelings so engage them. I still get surprised when I think I did nothing to help and I get complimented for helping her.

It's funny......I have lurked around here, and have occasionally posted, for more than year. I repeatedly look for the advice/comments/wisdom of Coach in the form of his previous posts. What is written above really does capture how to deal with venting.

[Ready2Change]

It's funny......I have lurked around here, and have occasionally posted, for more than year. I repeatedly look for the advice/comments/wisdom of Coach in the form of his previous posts. What is written above really does capture how to deal with venting.

Coach has a great way to communicate a great deal of information in a very concise way that is easy to understand. I like that.

[gucci loafer]

"And then what happened?"

"what does ____ say about that?"

"I bet that is frustrating for you."

"It does sound like her knickers were in a twist."

"Why do you think she said that?"

"What were you thinking while this was going on?"

"I can imagine your face now."

"How did you keep from laughing/scratching her eyes out/crying?"


Venting is just that, she wants to share her feelings so engage them. I still get surprised when I think I did nothing to help and I get complimented for helping her.

EXCELLENT ADVICE... EXCELLENT.. THAT is how you do it guys...

I also use some time honored techniques that work very very well and require the IQ of a rock..

such as... "uh huh", "oh really", "mmmmm", "no kidding?"
"wow"... "That would make me ________ too"

They work guys... It takes the pressure off of you and helps her to vent... The great thing is she will view you as a GREAT listener...

K.I.S.S... keep it simple guys...(for YOU more than for her)

[Ready2Change]

I also study what I enjoy about her eyes and face and expressions while she talks.

[sandi2]

Coach has a great way to communicate a great deal of information in a very concise way that is easy to understand. I like that.

I know it.....and it just ticks me off that I can't do that!!