Hi Sandi2 I have been to Docs and am taking anti-d. Usually I feel the are working fine, but sometimes I have dips in the way I feel. H hasn't really spoken to me much for a few days, then today he left me a message to tell me he might lose his job as his company is making cuts. Wanted to try and reassure him so tried to respond but to no avail. Later saw on fb he was "drowning his sorrows with a bottle of wine" and OW presumably. It got me really down that I broke down and started crying. The type of crying that hurts your eyes and head for hours after. Why? I know he is with her most of the time. Why do I still let it up set me. When I first joined this site and read other peoples stories I couldn't believe I could persevear (sp?) as long as a lot of the folk on this forum have, and yet here I am, nearly 4 months since I caught them together. It really is a rollercoaster. I hope I have the strength like dome of you guys to ride it till the end.
I'm so glad you went to the doctor. AD's don't solve our problems, but they help to hang on to the next day.
Why do you think your H would a few days with not a word and then when he has bad news, he decides to call you? What's wrong with that picture?
What would he think if you did not respond to that message about the job? Remember, you want to do a 180 degree turn here. The old pattern was you consoling him....reassuring him that everything would be okay. So, do something different.
In the past, did he turn to you like this when he received bad new? I have a feeling both of you are repeaters of habits from years ago. My suggestion is to think it over carefully before you are so quick to contact him to comfort, rescue, reassure, or mother him.
I'm so sorry to see you torn apart like this.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Had a strange first month of 2011. Didn't see much of H after new year, but then started to get lots of texts again. He met me up for my birthday lunch and was really sweet. he held my hand during the whole meal and gave me a big kiss afterwards.
that friday he wanted to meet up again and was really affectionate and loving, i genuinely thought he was starting to come round. He mentioned he enjoyed meeting me for lunch on my birthday so i told him i was going out the following tuesday for a curry with friends and that he was more than welcome. He didnt respond, but i left it at that. (possibly persuing, i know). that weekend i didn hear much from him, which i found confusing, he had been texting me so much i presumed his relationship with OW had finished, but i only got a couple of friendly "how are you" texts, i didnt think too much about it and just said "Yes fine, hope your good too". He said he would really like to go for the curry if i didnt mind so along he came.
He was very distant most of the night, hardly looked at me, hardly spoke to me. polite and friendly, but thats it. he still asked for a hug and a kiss, which i gave him, rightly or wrongly, but he was a totally different guy to the one i was with the previous week.
i dropped him off at the train station, and then almost seconds after he got out the car i got a message saying "I love you soo much! I hope you had a good day, im so excited about seeing you tomorrow!" except we hadnt arranged to see each other the next day, the mail was obviously for OW.
I felt so bloody stupid, so bloody bloody stupid.
Next day i did some prying and found out he had tried to get it on with one of his old college friends and another girl he had had a previous relationship with, and all the time he was sending me "i miss you" messages. I know prying just equals more hurt, but im glad i found out. It opened my eyes to my stupid niave hope that things were getting better.
Bearing in mind the fact he is trying to score with as many girls as possible, am i wasting my time, is this guy as good as gone? what the hell am i doing? I know i need to be patient, and i know the best way to win him back is to be his friend, and i know i should act like i dont care re: OW but its not that easy. maybe i have answered my own questions.
I very stupidly in a heart broken rage sent him a text telling him i didnt want to see him any more and to hurry up and sort the divorce out so that we could move on. Have i blown it...? Did i mean it...?? He ignored it and replied with some friendly tripe about having a good nights sleep. WTF?
i was doing so well, and i cocked it up because i was expecting too much, because i was trying to rush things.
H Keeps giving me mixed signals, he confides in me but then shuts the doors to me. He says his world is crumbling around hi , I want to tell him it'll all be ok but I do t think that's the right thing to do. All my friends think I'm nuts for not walking away. Are we?
I have decided to conceed defeat. I'm exhausted and realise he has made his deciscion. I don't know who he is anymore or if I actually still love him. I am going to see a solictor next week. So that's it. The end. Who would of thought the wedding cake would have lasted longer than the marriage?
