You might want to consider a DB counselor and you wouldn't get so much conflicting advice. IMHO, you need to pull back and do not "reach out" to him b/c that is pursuing. A WAS doesn't respond well to pursuing.
I'm glad you have family near by. You need to be with people who support & love you. Let them cheer you up as much as they can.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I agree with Sandi. I don't think asking your H to dinner was very good advice. It is definitely pursueing and at this point that is the LAST thing you want to do. Continue to do LRT and focus on yourself. I know it is so much easier said than done.
I struggle with what to do everyday.
I wish you a Merry Christmas and try and enjoy the time with your family.
M-34, H-37, No Kids Married 4yr, Together 6yr Discovered EA 7/24/10 Separated 8/6/10 Filed 8/16/10 H Moved home and Piecing 9/20/10 H returns to OW 12/10 EA was really PA I file 12/29/10 I move out 12/30/10
You are both right. Normally I get many messages off him saying he still loves me and misses me but since the other day I have got nothing. I'm going to re-focus on me/family/Christmas and just leave him to it. Thanks for the advice both of you.
Feel like such a fool. Saw my H christmas eve evening. He came by to drop a card off for me. It was really sweet and it read "to my wonderful wife" before he left he gave me a very passionate kiss. He told me he was going to spend Christmas day with his parents and would see me soon. At midnight he sent me a text wishing me a happy Xmas and then an additonal similar text later that day. I haven't heard anything since. I got worried becuase of all the snow and ice on the roads so contacted his family to find out if he had got there safe. Suprise suprise, he wasn't even there, presumably because he spent Christmas with her. Stupid stupid me AGAIN for believing his lies and for worrying about him while he was busy enjoying himself with his mistress. I didn't think he could keep hurting me. You think they have reached your maximum pain threshold and anything they do above that you are just numb to, but every now and again they like to kick you in the teeth again to bring you back down to earth.
I know you are right. I must stay strong, I try so hard then he does these little things that give me a little bit of hope and I let down my defences. A new year, a new me. Definately need to start thinking more about me and less about him.
I don't understand how our H's think they can get away with the constant lies. Do they really think we are that stupid and aren't going to find out the truth eventually.
I am also learning that actions speak louder than words and to disregard everything my H says. He can't be trusted.
Focus on yourself and creating your own life. For me each day gets a little better. Of course i have slips and fall backwards sometimes, but for the most part its forward movement.
Hang in there
M-34, H-37, No Kids Married 4yr, Together 6yr Discovered EA 7/24/10 Separated 8/6/10 Filed 8/16/10 H Moved home and Piecing 9/20/10 H returns to OW 12/10 EA was really PA I file 12/29/10 I move out 12/30/10
On my lowest days I just feel like giving up. I feel like quitting the db, marching into a solicitors and just getting the D over and done with. I honestly some times wonder what it is I am still trying to hang on to. The less I see of him, the more lies he tells me, the more hurt he puts me through the more I try and remember why I still want to save the marriage. He is finally at his parents house and has restarted the text messages. His most recent refered to a photo hr saw of me on fb, he said I looked beautiful. Yet later when I was checking my emails (joint account) one came through confirming his reservation for a table for two at a fancy restaurant on new years eve, you can bet your ass it's not for me. Never in the ten years we were together did he ever book anything for me. What does he think he is playing at? Making suggestive comments like that after making a booking for him and his hoe? I literally don't understand how his mind works.
