Hi I am new, and my sit post is under review...I am the H on the other side of this, except my wife left to go TO a luxury apartment lol... I have pretty well been getting ignored by her in my weekly attempts to contact her (i call but she ignores it and I leave a message so she can hear my voice. I am polite, I aske her to call me back...thats about it...then last thursday I did not call. She emailed me to say she didnt know if I called cause her phone is broken...the feeling you mentioned enjoying of control when you realize you have power over him...I think she feels that to...which means you care...maybe not a lot, maybe not in a good or healthy way...but not fully detached...one major difference in our sit is that I did not cheat on her...Now I showed her pride and arrogance Im sure...anyway, minus the affair, is there any better way for me to handle this than just 'staying dark'? will you contact your H after the three weeks you set for yourself? how do you monitor changes in him with no contact? do you care? would it even matter? I still love my wife, but its getting hard to just 'wait' without starting to detach myself...thanks for your thougths, V
Just journaling: I can't believe how good I feel about this no contact thing today. It's like a weight has been lifted. I'm no longer a slave to the phone wondering when/if he'll call and what kind of mood he'll be in. It's too hard to talk to him every day. Looking to make some plans for the weekend, go out and have some fun :-)
Day two of no contact. Woke up this morning feeling pretty crappy. I'm thinking the no contact thing is like a quick punch to the heart, though, it'll help me heal faster. Rip that band-aid off quick!!
Hi I am new, and my sit post is under review...I am the H on the other side of this, except my wife left to go TO a luxury apartment lol... I have pretty well been getting ignored by her in my weekly attempts to contact her (i call but she ignores it and I leave a message so she can hear my voice. I am polite, I aske her to call me back...thats about it...then last thursday I did not call. She emailed me to say she didnt know if I called cause her phone is broken...the feeling you mentioned enjoying of control when you realize you have power over him...I think she feels that to...which means you care...maybe not a lot, maybe not in a good or healthy way...but not fully detached...one major difference in our sit is that I did not cheat on her...Now I showed her pride and arrogance Im sure...anyway, minus the affair, is there any better way for me to handle this than just 'staying dark'? will you contact your H after the three weeks you set for yourself? how do you monitor changes in him with no contact? do you care? would it even matter? I still love my wife, but its getting hard to just 'wait' without starting to detach myself...thanks for your thougths, V
V , You have to detach for yourself. Stay dark and focus on yourself. The fact she wondered if you called shows she has taken notice of your change. Keep making changes.
Just getting out my thoughts and feelings so hopefully they won't plague me all day :-)
I feel hurt, betrayed. I cannot believe he abandoned me like this. I wonder if he is with her, what they do together, how I measure up to her I wonder what he is thinking right now Does he miss me Does he ever think of what we've built together and realize that he's throwing it all away Does he not see that I'm a decent person? I've reacted in anger and have been resentful, but he has done some really sh***y things to me in the past, which he fully acknowledges. He just can't live with me not forgiving him. I'm working on forgiving him, but then the anger bubbles up, and I unleash it, sometimes into a pillow, sometimes on the treadmill, sometimes to him :-) Does he not remember our first date? What about when he taught me to snowboard? How about the time I worked overtime, Christmas day, and New Year's day to buy him a $900 ski coat that he had always dreamed of owning? I feel so lost without him. I miss having brunch, I miss walking the dogs together. I miss cooking together and shopping.
Things I don't miss: Him drinking too much and staying out late His laziness and how I had to pick up all the slack on the homefront His selfishness, I had to twist his arm to do anything I wanted to do, in fact, a few years into our relationship I just gave up and stopped bugging him to do things with me. I just did them on my own. I went to friends weddings by myself. I went to family functions by myself.
Hopefully that's it for today. I hope that getting it all out on paper (or computer screen) will help me drop it for the rest of the day.
I wonder if he is with her, what they do together, how I measure up to her
I know it's really hard to stop those thoughts but you have to remember, it's not about you (OW). It's a choice he made on his own. Don't blame yourself for him carrying on w/ someone else. I know, easier said than done.
Can so relate to the attending weddings & family functions alone as I had similarities in my sitch as well.
Thanks Soleil! Thing is, I don't want a puppy dog for a H that follows me around and does everything I want to. I just want him to take SOME interest in my interests. Especially because I take up all of his interests enthusiastically. I hope that this three week no contact does something, either helps me to move on, or helps him miss me and be willing to go to MC. I'm done pandering to him, esp when he's off boozing with suzy slutface
Soleil: Read an email from him to her telling her that his roommate was out of town and did she want to get together. I feel physically ill every time I think about it. I wish I didn't know.
In other news:
Got an email from the landlord at our condo saying that the rent hadn't been paid yet. H is supposed to be paying it. I forwarded the e-mail to him. I suppose I broke NC doing that... this makes me worried that he's not paying his/our rent. I am stepping back though. I can't do anything about it. It's not impacting my credit rating as I'm not in that country, nor a citizen of that country where he is. I really could care less if my credit isn't up to snuff in a foreign land :-)
As for ME...I've been looking at apartments. Got that sick scared feeling yet again when I started calling places. I've never rented an apartment by myself. I'm so terrified. Oh well, about to go off to bed...read some R books, cuddle with the dogs, and fall into the murkiness of sleep (been sleeping 10 to 11 hours a day lately). I'm pretty sure I'm experiencing depression...never have before, but I'm certain I am now. I was considering antidepressants, but I've read they aren't effective for 'situational' depression. Much better to walk the dogs, work my butt off at the gym, journal here, try to get out with friends. I feel right now like I've got a bit of a social anxiety...I've never been this way before, but it's almost like I'm afraid to put myself out in drinking situations, where I used to love going to the bar, partying with friends. I'm just not into it, the few times I have done it since this sitch began I've woken up the next day feeling even more despondent. I don't have friends who really do anything else socially though. With winter coming up, I won't have my sports to fall back on. Any suggestions for new activities? I love the gym, yoga, I'm trying to get into some volunteering. I need to expand my circle of friends and quit kvetching about my sitch.
