She IS trying to grow up...the attempts at independence are clearly all about that. From the one email you shared that SHE wrote from MC, she seems bright and actually has some insight. you are both focused now on becoming the adults you WANT to be, the people you want to be... I'm proud of you; I will just be so sad if you can't end up as a family together. It's going to take your W some time, going to school and doing things to give her idenity and self-esteem that she was using EA to do.
I know; I'm just an older version of her:(. Not to hijack your thread John, but reading your story has helped me. After reading your pain and effort with this marriage...I'm coming here for the support instead of to the EA; tonight I deleted my game App on my cellphone tonight where I chatted with OM, am deleting his number and email. Now... What to do to about my good (but unfulfilling) M to MY good man? The real work begins !!!
Good luck John... I hope hearing a wayward W's perspective helps. Albeit, I' m a bit older ( and wise enough to come here looking for help), I just hope it doesn't take a Bomb and the death of all my feelings to change my (long!) M. I'm ashamed for him to ever find out about the EA, but in a way it might be the only thing to make change happen. But, by the time I'd be willing to put my family through that kind of pain...
Whew, this is heavy stuff here. The lighthearted EA's are easier, but knowing the collateral damage... Not the way I'll leave if/ when I go. I just don't want to go back to being the depressed, lonely person in my SSM anymore either (before EA).
I just hope you two can work it out! I guess I still am a romantic soul, and with all the change you've both worked on... Your marriage still seems to have a chance.
Quick update - I may have found what works... maybe.
Today I dropped S4 off at W place since I had him this weekend. We traded cars this weekend because I fixed hers (which is actually mine) that needed some work. I told her this morning that it was all done and it seemed fine on the drive over.
I also remembered last night that she had said in the past that she didn't have any of the pictures we keep on an external drive. There are literally 5000 pictures and videos on there, so I copied them off to another drive and gave her the one we used this morning letting her know that everything was there she would need. She gave me a really big hug and said thank you. She then walked me out to my car and hugged me again and said ILY... then...
"I like the sweater you're wearing. It looks good on you."
Haven't heard anything like that in a while...
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
No more drama is needed PH... Sounds like the courting maybe? has begun?
I wish I had the quote from Bagheera that I found (and emailed my H) this morning... It's about the chasing game that is good to keep alive in a healthy R... A constant game of catch and release (as in fishing) is necessary for the W to feel pursued, attractive, desirable... But in the more subtle ways that occur when you are courting (which is the pay off in the EA).
Hmmmmmm John... Sounds like your W is definitely engaging in some of that! Have fun with it
OMG, I am so glad to be able to come here and not be tempted to contact OM today.
(I deleted ALL contact info, old chess games, chess game App, emails...about 3AM). Talking here makes me realize just vulnerable and pathetic I was! I do miss my chess games (no chat with my otherbpartners) but realize that's how I bonded with OM, so it all had to go...
If it weren't for John's thread I would have never considered it an EA. My goal is put that energy into my H, and GAL (previously over invested in just my kids, who are now getting independent).
I just hope your young family can work it out John, but you are definitely becoming more mature in the process!
Of course.