I've written this letter to my H. He says I can have the house and he'll keep the cottage and he is in process of figuring out our financial situation. My therapist and family basically said, "who made him god?". This is my response to him. In my heart I don't want to let go, but in my head I know I have to. I want this to be a wake up call, that he doesn't get to call all the shots. Is this to harsh???
I have been thinking about our situation a great deal and I’m exhausted at continuing to trying to change your mind. I realize that this is only driving a wedge between you and me; since you are a grown man, you can certainly make your own decisions. Yes, the thought of divorce truly devastates me, but I know that it takes two people equally on board to stop it and you are clearly not there. You have every right to be happy, as do I. Therefore, I am no longer going to nag you about the divorce. Instead, I am going to try and make the best of this negative situation. I want to part on as friendly terms as possible so that we can both have the peace of knowing that we handled this in the correct way. With all of this in mind, I would like to meet as soon as possible to hash out our finances. I need to know what my NET income will be and if I am required to pay half of the children’s school fees (can I afford this and still be able to live and retire comfortably???).
I have also been considering joint access to the cottage, as I would like to have vacation time there too, if possible. If that means selling the house and dividing up the profits to the marital home, so be it. I may have to look for work outside of our current town (as you know my job hunt, so far, has turned up nothing), and I would like a base to return to when the boys are in town (if holidays permit).
Will you be taking all of your belonging (clothes, tools etc) from the house, if so when?? What about gift items that are yours (framed Hockey jersey, massage table, fish tank, Lazy Boy chair etc).
I would also like to discuss the Christmas gifts we are getting for the boys and if it is still practical to give joint gifts. In the past I have eventually acquiesced to what I saw as lavish gifts to the children, in sight of your family history and in the interest of family peace (I also knew that with your financial planning we could afford these gifts), I no longer have access to that expertise and I have always been uncomfortable with amount and type of gifts that were given to the children. If the children love me less for the less expensive gifts that I feel I can afford, then I guess that I am to blame for the manner in which they were raised. I would also like to discuss Christmas and plans for over the holidays (with how they pertain to the kids).
I am not trying to be cruel or cold with any of this, but you do not communicate with me and I feel I’m just hanging in limbo waiting for you to get done what you want to get done. If you need help with the financial data entry, I have told you several times that I have the time to do it.
If you want this done before the New Year so we can file legal separation type tax returns then I need time to investigate your proposal and take it to a lawyer for verification. I really don’t want to do this over the holiday period, it will be stressful enough as is without throwing legal separation negotiations into the mix.
H:50 W:49 Together since 1981 Married 10/13/1984 S: 20 S: 17 Bomb Drop: 20/11/09 Separated: 01/08/10
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Yes, in the end, lawyers will review everything. If he wants to do the leg work, I'm letting him, but it'll be verified by me and a lawyer before I sign anything.
He keeps saying things like: "Just because we're separated, doesn't mean we won't fall in love again” What does that mean???, when he also says, he doesn't love me and he doesn't miss me. When I was begging him to try and work on our marriage again he said, that we've tried before and he doesn't think that it'll stick. He doesn't want to see himself back here in 5 years if the reconciliation doesn't work. What does all of this mean??? I'm very confused
H:50 W:49 Together since 1981 Married 10/13/1984 S: 20 S: 17 Bomb Drop: 20/11/09 Separated: 01/08/10
WAS letting you down easy not for you but for their own conscience.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
Just because they are confused, doesn't mean the confusion has anything directly to do with you.
Your ego would like to think you have a role in this somehow, but you may or may not. You might not have a lot to do with the whole thinking/feeling, looney process going on inside of him.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Just because they are confused, doesn't mean the confusion has anything directly to do with you.
Your ego would like to think you have a role in this somehow, but you may or may not. You might not have a lot to do with the whole thinking/feeling, looney process going on inside of him.
Sorry, must be dense, but what do you mean???
H:50 W:49 Together since 1981 Married 10/13/1984 S: 20 S: 17 Bomb Drop: 20/11/09 Separated: 01/08/10
