The more negative things she talks, it will only affect and jade the current thinking. Did you try telling her to look at you as a new person and this relationship as a new relationship and start from there. To go a MC. Maybe she'll be more receptive to a MC's suggestions on burying the past.
From my experience, where my W used to always keep bringing up the past and how she felt during that only led her to file for D. If she wants to work on your R, it would do a great good to leave the past demons at the door.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
Some women do tend to bring up things from the past. I feel that you need to try to get it across to her that you can't go back and change the past but both of you can learn from it. Is she willing to face this as a new M and have some guidelines as to how to stay positively focused? If you don't have some sort of stucture or goals for the M, then I'm concern that you will end up staying in limbo and being unhappy.
If she will not agree to that much, I don't what else to do. Maybe some people who have much, much more patient than I do will come along to help.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I dunno, just an idea. It could be crazy. As i said, my W also brings up the past and cannot seem to let of my past issues. I've been thinking that if my W does decide to come back into the marriage, I would suggest that we 'marry' again. You know, do the whole ceremony thing, just that it would be on a much smaller scale. I guess if you do that, symbolically you can guys can leave the past behind. Who knows, maybe your wife needs that symbolism to leave that past behind and treat you as a new person. It might/might-not have that effect. just my 2c.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
Thanks for the help. I'm thinking on making an appointment with a MC and if she doesn't go I still will. I'm going to tell her I feel that if she wants me in her life and wants this marriage to work that she should go. We sleep in seperate bedrooms. W says that her space(not exact words) and for me it's what bothers me the most. So that's one of the issues that she holds on to but eats away at me. Without help I believe we will be stuck.
You know Bobby, some people are so stubborn they refuse to forgive and let go. If she's not willing to do that much, you may be in for a very hard life. I wish you the best.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
