Ugh, you guys were right! I had to ask him to watch the kids for me tonight as my other babysitter had to back out and I had to go to school. He asked if he could stop by for a bit to see our daughter, as stupidly i said ok. He hung around for a bit, and it was fine but i can already feel him trying to creep back in (he asked what i was doing tonight, when I had missed a lab that I was making up, etc). I answered but was vague, not really engaging. He said an innocent comment that hurt me and I said to myself 'this is why I need to not talk to you!!!' (he mentioned something about taking our daughter somewhere I would have LIKED to go to as a family, but it was 'I should take her' not 'WE should take her'. That is what I meant by he doesn't know how hat he says and does affect me. It was innocent enough but it was another 'there is no WE doing things' anymore.
I handled it well and didn't let him know it bothered me, but it reinforces my need to see and talk to him as little as possible. So next time he asks if he can stop by I'll tell him it's not a good time for me, and suggest a better time and a place to meet sohe doesn't feel the need to linger.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
So hes already asking to hang out at the kid exchange. I guess he does miss me. But as a friend. I need him to miss me as a wife. But I keep going back and forth between trying to build on a friendship and disconnecting completely. So confusing. I think that I'll try to keep the distance thing going. This week has been helpful in the detaching process already.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
Someone talk me down. Something I have realized but never talked to him about hit me again today. He only ever contacts me when she is working. It's usually in the morning or during the work day, unless he is watching the kids. When she is off work and he is around her I never hear from him.
I need to not text him about this. I need to be told it won't do any good. I need to just let it go. Someone talk me down please!
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
Someone talk me down. Something I have realized but never talked to him about hit me again today. He only ever contacts me when she is working. It's usually in the morning or during the work day, unless he is watching the kids. When she is off work and he is around her I never hear from him.
I need to not text him about this. I need to be told it won't do any good. I need to just let it go. Someone talk me down please!
Well, you are not alone. My Wife does the same thing.
If you respond or say something, what are you hoping to accomplish?
Are you going to look like you are weak or that you are letting go?
I would look weak, most likely. But he is already trying to creep back in. I'm kind of hoping that of i tell him (yet another) reason why I don't want to be his friend, he will back off again. It's much easier to let go when he avoids me completely, than it is to say no to his contact. I'd rather he just left me alone completely. I'm kind of thinking if I say this he will back off again like he did in the beginning of the week.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
I want him to leave me alone, but right now, he's NOT. He's not as active with me as he was a week ago, but he's trying for more interaction than I want. I just don't know where I sit anymore. Part of me says to build on the interactions, but part of me says he's not giving me what I NEED to get through this. Everything he does and says I obsess over (and what he doesn't do or say).
I need to walk in and hi walk out. I need no little texts in guise of talking to the kids. I need him to stop trying to keep me hooked, even if he doesn't know he's doin' it. He misses me. I get it. But only when he is alone and doesn't have a distraction. Could be seen as a good sign, right? But i cannot see it that way. Everything he does and says HURTS. Wether the intention is there or not.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
I'm sorry you hurt. However, your shooting yourself in the foot by responding from an emotional place.
If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
You don't HAVE to respond to him if you don't want to. When you choose to respond though, it needs to be from a place where you're not reacting from pain/anger.
I kind of just want it all to be over. I'm tired of trying to do the 'right' thing. I'm tired of the pain. I'm tired of feeling crappy everytime I talk to him and see him. I'm tired of all of it. I just want it to be done. I really am just done. I cannot put energy into trying to save us anymore. I can't be emotionally beaten anymore. I'm done.
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
I'm still reading but half heartedly. I am ready to let him go. I don't care what the 'right' thing to do anymore. I'm not interested in saving my marriage anymore. Is that giving up? Probably. But it's just not in me anymore. I'm tired of being the only hurt one, the only confused one, the only one who cares. I give much credit to those who are in it for the long haul, but I get how he felt now... He was tired of the work it takes to make a marriage work, and so am I.
I thank everyone who helped, and I'll still read and hope or you all, but I'm done. Thanks to everyone and good luck!
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
