PEI - girlfriend, I am so sorry. We tend to get caught up in the emotions of everything that is going on in our lives, but in reality the one thing MLC/affair/divorce creates is a financial nightmare. completely and totally a nightmare. All of us...selling houses, businesses failing, allamony, child support, loss of double income, health insurance, retirement.
The plain and simple truth is that a marriage is more than love and emotions, it is a LIFE. And to me it is harder to overcome the LIFE that we are losing as compared to the LOVE we are losing.
You hang in there my friend - God won't let those beautiful babies get cold. Tax return is just around the corner...
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
This is the really hard part of the whole thing. The realities of how our lives have changed...
Growing up in New England, with a mother who was cheaper than Scrooge himself, I know what those cold mornings are like.
Lots of blankets and socks. Lots of them. And maybe a space heater versus heating the whole house.
It will be ok.
For the future, you are gonna have to either learn to split wood, or find someone that will help you do it. Can't keep relying (even if you were only doing it a teeny bit) on H for that sort of stuff.
You can do this. And it really is ok to be angry right now. Just make sure you are angry at the right things and people sweetie.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
The finances are hard, especially when it hits your kids. I'm in the process of clearing space for roommates right now because I can't keep up and can't depend on H for help. I expect it to throw him for a loop when I find someone too.
Look into assistance programs if you can. Maybe try a family 'camp out' all in one room on really cold nights.
Hang on, and try to think outside the box a bit too. I started teaching kid art classes at my local rec center and taking baking orders around my neighborhood to bring in some cash. Still may end up having to declare bankruptcy before this is over, but it helps.
I am in the same place financially. Only, I am without a job, and I am stealing from Peter to pay Paul and it is frightening. I am not in a good place either. I am praying for you!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
I know I'll make it, I have no choice. I just don't have the "how" figured out just yet. But I'm working on it.
StbxH is working a couple of his contacts for wood. I'm angry at myself for so badly underestimating the heating cost without wood. I may have to skip a mortgage payment. If I do, I do.
Once I have the heat figured out, then I'm going to look at part time work. I have a part time business that is capable of making me a very nice part time income IF I work it, and the harsh reality right now is that I think I'm just not in the headspace to do it. It requires a lot of initiative and follow-up and I know that I would not be very happy with myself if I had customers and wasn't treating them right. So. For now, maybe a grocery store, bingo hall, whatever ... no shame in earning honest money. Biggest problem might be finding someone who will only schedule me every second week when I don't have the kids.
I've talked to my mom and we're going to put "kits" on some of the windows and doors that I don't use to make sure that the drafts are cut way down. I'm looking into getting an energy audit done which will show me where I'm losing the most and might make me eligible for a grant program to help with the cost of the upgrades.
I'm looking at my budget with a fine tooth comb and seeing where I can save and I've called to get the grocery store flyers delivered again ... coupons here I come!
It's not ideal ... but it's better than some. And it's mine.
Thanks again all ... and Cat ... sorry 'bout the bubbles. Mum's the word
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Sweetie, it's ok to have days like this. It's ok to get angry, you are human.And I know when it involves your children, it is especially hard.
But as Cat says, you really need to figure this out on your own and as I see, you have. You can't rely on h. Nor would you want to, right? Holding onto the anger is not good for you. I know you know that.
Act as if he has moved to the other side of the world. Then be the Pei you have worked so hard to become.
I strive to be the person I want to be. Honest. loyal, fair, compassionate. Some days I get there, others, not so much. But each day, that is the goal.
So, tomorrow is another day. I have enormouse faith that you will figure it all out.
Oh PEI, you have been so helpful to me in my sitch that I wish I could do something to help you. I take it for granted, living in California, that winter can be so tough elsewhere.
My prayers for you, and everyone else.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
