Pinhead I like this concept. It's a way to pull a lot of the talent that many posters on this forum bring to the table. I hope some of the more knowledgeable people post here. You know who you are.
Just reading the tips. Can vouch for numbers two and three, definitely, painfully.
Would like to know how a spouse can still give a really great kiss and drop a bomb 24hours later. Still can't understand that one.
Me: 46 H:42 Together for 18 yrs, married 14. 3 children: 2 girls 13 and 10, one boy 7. Husband had affair, ended it and then decided on separation. Separated 08/2010
Can I ask why no R talks? Why are they detrimental?
You'll get a better answer than this, but I think this should really say that YOU should not initiate any R talks. This is because the WAS has NO interest in maintaining the R at the moment and any talk of it just reminds him/her of that fact. It just pushes them further away.
It is OK, I think, if THEY are the ones to initiate the R talk, but do be careful not to get defensive. Agree with them and VALIDATE their feelings.
The reality is that R talks do no good if only one person is interested in saving the R.
Got it? Pinhead has violated this rule many. many times.
Read through other peoples threads and you will learn a lot. You will likely find someone who is in a similar position with you. Monitor their progress and learn from it. You will be able to see what is coming next.
I can say ruefully that talking about the R or the M when your other half is on his/her way out the door is very counter-productive. You feel you have to talk about it, it's the one thing on your mind, but if you talk to your spouse, you'll hear a lot of things that hurt horribly -and the more "cornered" he/she feels, the more they'll hurt. many of those things aren't strictly true, or just true at that minute, in anger. But giving the spouse a
Me: 46 H:42 Together for 18 yrs, married 14. 3 children: 2 girls 13 and 10, one boy 7. Husband had affair, ended it and then decided on separation. Separated 08/2010
Can I ask why no R talks? Why are they detrimental?
You'll get a better answer than this, but I think this should really say that YOU should not initiate any R talks. This is because the WAS has NO interest in maintaining the R at the moment and any talk of it just reminds him/her of that fact. It just pushes them further away.
It is OK, I think, if THEY are the ones to initiate the R talk, but do be careful not to get defensive. Agree with them and VALIDATE their feelings.
The reality is that R talks do no good if only one person is interested in saving the R.
Got it? Pinhead has violated this rule many. many times.
Read through other peoples threads and you will learn a lot. You will likely find someone who is in a similar position with you. Monitor their progress and learn from it. You will be able to see what is coming next.
Good Luck BI.
Not only did I initiate R talks, I let her rope me into R talks. That's fine, as long as she's the one talking and me validating.
