Effective DBing/ Feedback and Coaching

[TimeHeals]

so realizing you are homosexual is a conscious choice?

Having an affair is a choice.

Ted Haggard is still married to the same woman, BTW.

That is who we were talking about, right?

[ArnieBGood]

[quote=Starsky309]Just a point-of-information, Mr. Chairman, but many would contend that affairs constitute "abuse."

So you don't see any difference between an affair and hitting or verbal belittling.

What are the effects?

So perhaps you do see them as the same. If so, maybe you would be willing to express why they are the same.

Nope, I asked the question for a reason. You answer first, please.

Perhaps you would be willing to express that reason so that the intent of the question can be understood before responding.

[Coach]

What are the effects of an affair and abuse? Compare and contrast.

[DumpedforMIL]

abg, what are you trying to get at?
does it matter what the reason for asking the question is?

[ArnieBGood]

What are the effects of an affair and abuse? Compare and contrast.

And the reason this is being asked is...

[Coach]

What are the effects of an affair and abuse? Compare and contrast.

And the reason this is being asked is...

I want an answer from you based on facts not how you feel.

[ArnieBGood]

I have still not heard the intent of the question. I suspect there is some agenda or point that is trying to be made, and that there is an unwillingness to express it. If there is a point being made, then I would like to hear it. If you have thoughts, then be up front with them.

I'm happy to express my thoughts, and have done so; I'm not willing to be cross-examined.

[Coach]

Ok, I see how you roll. Later.

[Starsky309]

What are the effects of an affair and abuse? Compare and contrast.

And the reason this is being asked is...

Oh good lord.

Arnie, I think I'm done posting to you. You're evasive, vague, argumentative and annoying.

I think I'll go help Pensacola; my time is better spent there.

Starsky

[ArnieBGood]

IMO, asking an entrapping question to try to prove a point suggests a manipulative tactic. The fact that name-calling and walking away is the response only tends to confirm that suspicion.

Hearing others' thoughts and opinions, even ones with which I disagree, is always okay with me. And I have expressed my own views as well, albeit not as clearly or effectively as some have liked. There seems to be a low tolerance here for different perspectives. Since my experiences are different from many expressed here, I believe I do have things to learn from understanding them. I also believe that my own thoughts have some value.

Dealing what to do when marriages become hurting and troubled is a complex and challenging task. There is no one-size-fits-all that I have ever seen, which is why I believe MWD advocates trying things and "monitoring results."