My concerns - his wife being in same house , his no hurry for financial sorting with wife , the fact he was hapy for me to split bill !
A guy who is really done will move heaven and earth to NOT live with STBXW, IME. Financial sorting, yes that can take time...a LOOOONG time if they're sharing a home. Splitting bill: that can be due to a lot of reasons, but none of them are reasons that would attract me to a man. I totally like to treat a guy and will reciprocate given a chance...but why wouldn't a guy take advantage of a chance to treat you when he's asked you out on a date? The guy who let me go dutch on the first date had a lot of issues with feeling bitter about paying spousal support and was emotionally not very giving (we ended up dating for 5 weeks). I think these things are often symbolic.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Then I jumped up and said - Right gotta go and went home. No lingering , no long kisses goodbye. Lets see what he does next.
Good You deserve some pursuing.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I guess I am not a believer in formulas for when you're ready to date. I was bombed on Dec 22, 2009 and it was a total surprise (not the marriage problems, but how serious it was) and sTBxh moved out on Jan 3, 2010. Yet I was ready to date when I went on my first date on Aug 12, 2010. A guy who I dated exclusively for 5 weeks said he was amazed at how "advanced" I was in my progress and dealing with the separation in spite of his initial scepticism. I would say that he has a lot more baggage than me, and he's been separated for 3 years and just got formally D.
I had made a lot of progress in letting go of stbxh before dating, but dating did help to "break the spell" that being together for 18 years and seeing him as my mate for life held over me. I had trouble imagining being attracted to other men, etc.
I think the important things is to listen to yourself, deal with your stuff, and stay in the present. That means being able to let go of the past and not let it control you. That also means being able to be with a person and recognize your thoughts and feelings and reactions without fast-forwarding to the future, just paying attention to NOW.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I think the important things is to listen to yourself, deal with your stuff, and stay in the present. That means being able to let go of the past and not let it control you. That also means being able to be with a person and recognize your thoughts and feelings and reactions without fast-forwarding to the future, just paying attention to NOW.
Very good advise. I went out with G2 yesterday. He is very smoooochhy and loving. It is very confusing. I have told him that there will be no sleeping together anymore ( as we are not in a relationship ).He seems cool with this. well for now ! DanceQueen recommended a book to me ( in posts that was cleansed ) and it is great.
Hmmmm well here is a question to you all that may not of been asked before ? I have accepted an invitation to a 50 th party this Saturday. Today I was told that also attending will be the guy I had an affair with and his wife. My xh and his ow have declined. Do I still go ? It has been 6 years. They know I have said I would be their. My xh and the ow have declined the invite !
Well, Polly, I'm thinking that if you feel that your presence would be uncomfortable for some, it might be better not to go. Of course, that advice comes without knowing how close you are to the celebrant, and how much they know of the situation.
But the fact that you are asking the question makes me think you know the answer.
hunter guy for drinks/appetizer turn late night dinner on Friday.
online dating is hard!
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Pollyanna, I don't think it would be a good idea to go to that 50th b-day party out of respect to the spouse of the guy you had an affair with...
As for going on all of those dates, it's not normal, it is FABULOUS!! (normal implies that it is common for to have so many dates...[lucky you!] at least that is my thinking!)
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
You deserve some pursuing.