Does this DB stuff work?

[JudoScott]

I'm doing the stuff the best I can but as I read though the threads a recurring theme of it not working seems to be popping up. How successful are these techniques? Who here has had success? How long? Was it lasting?

[robx]

your first post in your other thread is october 14,
how long have you been db'ing?

Were you hoping for an overnight change in your situation?

What db'ing techniques have you been employing that don't seem to be successful?

That leg kick trip thing a couple of days ago wouldn't be db'ing either.

I think it's time you redefine your "best".

[JudoScott]

Robx first of all I apprecaite your advice. Some things have become very clear to me the last couple of days related to what you and some other people were saying. In particular the moving on and making my self happy part. I don't expect anything quickly and the changes I have made the last few days have helped me at least with some inner peace.

BUT...

I am asking reasonable questions and they are not really pertaining to my particular situation.

[NotFromThesePart]

I think it depends on what you mean "work"? For me, realizing that what I need to do happy with myself. Concidentally is also what I needed to do in my M. I need to have my own life outside the M. I cannot let my future W be the complete center of my world, nor I hers.

So does it work? I'll get back to you in 10 years.

[ShockedOne]

Like robx said, nothing is overnight. DBing is a marathon, not a sprint race. Pace yourself. Does it work? It needs to work for you. It won't save all marriages, but it saves many. What it saved for me, was my sanity. Like Robx said, my future wife will appreciate it, my X, it's her loss, and in my mind, I don't regret that one. It was best for my sanity, what it will do for you is up to you and the amount of work you want to put into becoming a better person for yourself. This is all for you, and if your WAW takes notice, than it could be good for her.

[JudoScott]

Well by work I mean how often are divorces adverted and relationships put on the mend. Its obvious to me that there are other benefits to this if that doesn't happen but the whole thing that brought most of us here is trying to prevent an impending divorce.

[Coach]

How successful are these techniques? Depends on who you ask Who here has had success? Me How long? Two years ago until now. Was it lasting? Yes

[pookie69]

How successful are these techniques? Who here has had success? How long? Was it lasting?

Depends what the "success" is to people. Getting your spouse back? Moving on with your life without your spouse but with your pride and honor intact?

I'd say both of that can be considered success.

How long? As long as it takes to reach the goal you set. You will know when you're there.

Lasting? As long as you make it last.

DB is all about YOU. Getting you life in order and feeling good about yourself is the cake. Getting your spouse to stroll along with you in your journey is the icing.

[DumpedforMIL]

i think it's more important to note that you will never know if the db techniques will work if you don't try.

there are no guarantees when it comes to db-ing. mwd doesn't guarantee that the techniques work. but it gives you a starting point of what you should be doing to improve your odds.

if you do the work and do it well, you increase your chances of reconciling. if you don't, then you stay where you are.

[DumpedforMIL]

DB is all about YOU. Getting you life in order and feeling good about yourself is the cake.

it took me 10 months to figure this out.
all this time, i refused to db because i wasn't interested in working on me.

i now realize that it was always about me. i set my first boundary recently. and it felt really good.

the LBS is often in a fog too and my fog took too long to clear.