latest development. She was pissed she got disinvited from boat trip. That was the reason for her CB all day.
We talked a little and she told me she cant be sure the changes she is seeing are real or not. She said she wants to believe they are. I told her either you want the marriage to work or you dont. Either you want to be with me or you dont. She said she loves me she doesnt like me.
She really did run to the grovery store and she stayed home last night.
I told her again that we cannot move forward with OM in the picure. She told me again she didnt have sex with him and she apologized again for reaching out to him to confide in.
Feel like I am in chinese handcuffs.
She told me "1 week ago I saw and said there was zero chance to get back together, now I see a possibility" and she said again that she cant be pushed at the fork in the road.
critical point here.
1. She sees it as choosing a life without me pressuring her or fighting with each other and her being happy. 2. Living with me and working on the marriage.
I see it as
1. She wants to either be with him. 2. she wants to be with me.
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
I also have to recognize that she was not happy before and I did need to make changes and not that I caused the EA with her and OM, but she wouldnt be happy right now even if she hadnt told me she wanted a divorce. That is one POSITIVE out of this whle mess, and I realize and can see we were not happy and I can fix my attitude and behavior.
That is an great feeling.
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
1. She sees it as choosing a life without me pressuring her or fighting with each other and her being happy. 2. Living with me and working on the marriage.
I see it as
1. She wants to either be with him. 2. she wants to be with me.
First of all, I'm not saying that what she may be thinking is right or wrong, but I'd like to explain something. With men....they think more like, "It's me or OM". But to a WAW, it's not so black & white for her. She's not choosing just between two men....she's thinking about the total package that is labeled "happiness".
It's happiness that she wants. In her WAW state, she thinks OM is the pathway to a new life filled with happiness. She's very confused and it would be easy for her to react out of a sense of urgency.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I agree she is confused. I am too. She is getting all the mixed signals from me also. Lets work on it, I agree with you decision, Go ahead and leave, to get out.
so I am trying to find the ground to maintain the boundry that OM HAS to be out of the picture before we can hope to R anything. She acknowledges that and said that is her decision alone to make and if she chooses that path in the road, it is not because of an OM.
She maintains that he is out of the picture now. and I have made him bigger than it was to her. but she understands now how I see it.
I have to be cautious how I proceed.
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
One thing I noticed. It appears we all spend much time getting the details of the drama to unfold. Everyone seems to have very common threads about the timelines, and how and when we all start to get up out of the daze, and it appears we also have very common frustrations and fears over the way to interact with our spouses.
this is freaking crazy!
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
I think Serenity and VH gave me some sound advice, about patience and not expecting results overnight. I old WAW that she can stay until the end of the month and then we will start looking for a place for her to stay. I have not brought that back up yet. So it will become effective when I see no movement on 1 November.
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
She's not choosing just between two men....she's thinking about the total package that is labeled "happiness".
It's happiness that she wants. In her WAW state, she thinks OM is the pathway to a new life filled with happiness. She's very confused and it would be easy for her to react out of a sense of urgency.
