I lost my other thread, I am guessing because I stopped posting on it and just flit back and forth on different threads...
I have been reading a few newbies for the last few days and I wanted to say something that may help the pain they are going through.
It took me a long, long time to learn this lesson and hopefully it will help someone get it a little quicker then it took me.
You want to know "why" this happened to you, your family, your children etc...
The "why" doesn't matter.
You can heal and find some semblance of closure without a concrete answer...Anything other than "Because they wanted to do it" is a crock...
The sheer amount of lies that go into an affair says that anything else would be an excuse...
Up until the last second, they had the choice to "remember" their vows and stand by them, yet they chose not to.
Regardless of what a crappy spouse you may have been, no one deserves the treatment that we read about on a day to day basis...
I thought that once I knew "why" this happened, I would at least be able to wrap my mind around the ugliness my life had become, and in time I figured out the "why" truly doesn't matter...What matters from this day forth is how I handle the situations life throws at me.
I had to figure out and then accept that my self worth, self esteem and self respect doesn't come from my spouse, it is something within myself that was hidden for so long...Once I "got" that, the inner strength came flooding in, strength I didn't even know I was capable of.
I fall and I falter, yet each time I am able to get back up...The tests I have been given have all taught me valuable lessons about me.
I validate myself and I don't need anyone on the face of this earth to do it for me anymore.
Yes, your spouse cheated, however you are not helpless and you are not without hope.
You have you now and that is a lesson I wouldn't give up for anything in the world.
You can do this and you can get your life back...
The choice is yours, stay in the muck or soar.
(((Hugs)))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Glad to see that you are still soaring. As usual, your post shows your heart for people. Like you, my heart bleeds when I read some of the posts here. I can just feel the pain, bewilderment and desperation. The wanting to do something. To pull that magical trick out of the bag and turn the sitch around. To ask why, why, why? We have all been there.
It does get better. You discover what you are made of in these times. When you allow yourself to triumph over circumstances, it is empowering. When you can look back at all the crap you have swum through and clawed through and know that you are still laughing and still smiling, it makes you thank the source of your strength.
This DB is not a "war" that any of us wanted to wage or volunteered for but at least we can say that we (our essence, our joy)haven't been casualties of the crossfire.
It is always a blessing to see you on my thread and I hope all is going wonderfully well for you!
Originally Posted By: kara
When you can look back at all the crap you have swum through and clawed through and know that you are still laughing and still smiling, it makes you thank the source of your strength.
Amen my friend. To look back over the past 20 months, all I can do is say "Wow, I am still standing, and standing taller than ever before."
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be able to withstand the storm my life had become, but I did, I still am, and I will continue to do so.
May you be blessed with Mercy and Grace my friend.
(((((Hugs)))))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Getting to the point where you value yourself more than the situation is the key.
It's hard to get to that point but once you do it feels wonderful. We become attractive again.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be able to withstand the storm my life had become, but I did, I still am, and I will continue to do so.
And that is why you are able to offer hope to others. People who are going through the fire need to see somebody who has been there and survived. Not just survived but come through shining like a beautiful teacup.
Have you heard Joyce Meyer's story about the teacup?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Always an honor to have you here on my thread. No I haven't heard the story, however once I got into work, it was the first thing I looked up.
Once I got to "You see there was a time in my life when I was just an old, hard, gray lump of clay. And the master potter came along and he picked me up one day and he began to pat me and reshape me; and I said,” STOP IT! What are you doing? That HURTS! Ahhh, LEAVE ME ALONE!’ and he simply looked at me and said,”Not yet!” the tears were burning because I knew what was to come.
So I sit at work now all sniffly and teary and so humbled to have walked this path, so grateful for the people He placed on my path to help bridge that old life with this new life and so filled with joy that He allowed this to happen just so I could see what He saw all along.
"Now, I am this beautiful, little, delicate teacup! And EVERYBODY wants me now! But there was a time in my life when NOBODY wanted; NOBODY liked me; NOBODY paid any attention to me! They just kicked me around; walked on me.
But now – I AM SPECIAL! But I WASN’T ALWAYS this way!”
Thank you my friend for the beautiful reminder.
((((Hugs))))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
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