I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[soleil]

Making extra cash is always a good thing. And the extra security desposit $ ... a little more sugar on top of that

[ClingingToHope]

Interestingly, there's been nothing from the L about the Tuesday meeting with STBXW's L. I would have assumed a letter by now.

Got the keys to the new house. Took the girls over after school. They picked their rooms out and were running around and two friends who live on the same block came over, then a friend who lives in the house behind saw us and came out so they were playing in her yard.

It's small, but I think it's going to work out really well.

Unfortunately, my mountain of work hasn't gotten much smaller.

[ClingingToHope]

Funny, seeming to have more dreams about STBXW not fewer. This one was directly related to today.

I was sitting in some big downtown meeting (I'm a reporter) and after as the crowd is filing out STBXW walks up to me. It wasn't STBXW as she looks today. It was how STBXW looked five years into our marriage. She then hands me the wedding and engagement ring and walks off.

I'm not sure if this was the same dream or I woke up and then dreamed this. I was laying on my couch watching TV when STBXW walks in. She's got stuff of mine in a basket. She starts to take it upstairs and I tell her I don't want her upstairs. So she turns around and marches out the door mumbling something I couldn't hear.

What to make of those Freudians?

[ClingingToHope]

Email from STBXW at 12:07 a.m. Some things about D11. List of stuff waiting for me at the house. I've been waiting to make this move for weeks, but now the anxiety level is rising quickly. It's just another permanent step. The apartment was a month-to-month lease. I could leave and go back if that would have happened.

It didn't.

This is a year lease with heavy penalties.

Once I get this stuff, there'll be even less to remind her of our life together. That's a little dramatic though. I mean the wedding album is there. We spent 11 years together there. The beds are the same. The kitchen table. The bridge. The flower garden.

It's going to be tough keeping it together today.

Others on this forum suffer from Exes that sometimes show glimpses of the past -- enough for them to think "you know maybe."

Not me. Not the ice queen. All I see is steely-eyed determination. I'm not sure which is worse.

[ClingingToHope]

Finances right now are such a tightrope. In the past two weeks I got paid for the running race I worked two weekends ago, I did two football games and a volleyball game and I got my mileage reimbursement.

Yet, after all the bills and such -- there were some one-time things in there, but the rest was standard stuff -- and I was able to put a grand total of $20 in the girls college accounts and $35 into my own savings.

That's it.

[v1olin]

Finances are always tight for me too. I lost a 6k deal yesterday. Others will come but it takes time. Get this, the guy was ready to buy but he just had to "ask his wife first." lol

[soleil]

What to make of those Freudians?

I'm not a huge believer that dreams mean anything at all. (cause I sometimes dream I am flying--totally crazy) but I do think that when you have something on your mind a lot, it pops up in your dreams. (Example-- when my grandma was dying, I dreamt of her before she passed, stuff like that). It could just be your dream reflection of the end of your marriage, hence the symbolism of her giving you back your rings & walking away, etc.

Others on this forum suffer from Exes that sometimes show glimpses of the past -- enough for them to think "you know maybe."

Not me. Not the ice queen. All I see is steely-eyed determination. I'm not sure which is worse.

I see it as good and bad w/ both types. I guess if you see snippets of hope it can be bad cause what if your STBX is just talking a lot of BS--they miss you/love you but in the end say they don't want to be married to you... That is a total mindf-ck. ... goes both ways really.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Financial impact is the worst part about this- for me anyway. Even STBXW isn't getting rich...yet. So it's a major lose-lose for everyone.

Glad to hear about the house though, a change like that can bring some positive things into our lives. The fact that kids were having fun playing with the neighbor kids is a good sign right there. Howqever, if D11 is having a difficult time have you considered seeing a counselor for her?

As for STBXW, do you still want her back? I understand we all liked our lives pre bomb and we all want things to be perfect for our kids but sometimes we over look the fact that it's more damaging for the kids when the parents aren't seeing eye to eye or if you don't have kids would you want kids with someone who thinks so little of you to toss you out at will? It's weird, because I've seen both sides now. I DB'd and won her back but now I'm done and I'm even getting to the point where I can wish her all the best with whomever she chooses to be with. I know she gave me the best part of her; a beautiful daughter and her prime years. All this helps to move forward.

[awest1217]

With finances it really depends on what you did before the D. For me, I actually have more money than I did. The reason is because H blows his money, which is funny because he didn't want me to ever by anything, but now looking back, he would blow our money all the time. I on the other hand am very frugal and so I am not rich, but I am living comfortably and can't believe how much I have been able to save.

The key with me and really us is that we never had a lot of debt. Through college, we both got through on scholarships so there was very little in college loans. We both always paid off our credit cards and never racked up that debt. Because of those reasons, we both won't be rich, but will be comfortable and able to save. I am going to come out of this with the car loan and the house loan. H with just his student loan.

I only put this on here because anyone reading who is younger like me, there is some hope if it comes to D, as long as you are good with your money at a young age and don't get into the credit card black hole.

[Say Lavee]

I found moving was cathartic.. there were memories of things left behind.. and I grieved those parts (it's natural). But the possibilities of 'what can happen now'.. instead of limbo.. are endless.

You get to create what is healthy & best for you..

It is hard to step off into the unknown and the moving is stressful no doubts.

I did it 3 times in 15 months.. I'm not sure which was the harder move.. the 600 mile one.. or the 1/2 block!

Thinking of you as you navigate these waters!

Peace
SL