I intend to live forever - so far, so good

[ClingingToHope]

Random stuff from the weekend.

Took girls and two friends to popular haunted hayride. 2 1/2 hours until we actually got on the hay. Cold. Girls were hungry. Hard to keep them entertained. Normal parent crap.

I wavered between -- it'd be nice to share this time with STBXW -- to thanking God she wasn't there because we never really handled them well together in public. She'd like them to be the perfect kids in line, yes mother, yes father, you know the type.

I know they'll never be like that. Too much energy for D8 especially and too little attention span. As long as they don't annoy others I'm OK. I want to pick my battles and there were a lot I could have picked last night.

Dreams. Two weird ones. First, I love baseball and I dreamed I was a major league player and Andre Dawson -- Andre Dawson -- was wearing my number and batting for me in a game. Side note, my number was 11, which was Barry Larkin's number, my favorite player. Dawson got a hit then Jay Bruce from my Cincinnati Reds got a hit to win the game and I was sitting in the dugout marveling that I was finally a major league player.

In my whole life, I have not had a dream like that. Damn 41-year-old bladder woke me up from that one.

Got back to sleep and dreamed that STBXW went with me to that big surprise birthday party I went to two weeks ago. We were walking around, looking at the house, not really talking to anyone, just spending time together.

That's kind of how our social life was. When we would be invited to things or go out, we'd hang back, not really get involved with others. STBXW always looked to me to jump in and introduce myself, but I'd hang back because I wasn't always sure she really wanted to get involved.

Got the girls to church today. It was D11's first day as a volunteer in the Sunday School program so she was excited.

Lady from my divorce rebuilding class showed up at the same time so we sat together. Church_31 sat two rows in from of us ... with her boyfriend. They are a cute couple.

Sermon today was on faithfulness, the story of Hosea and Gomer. It was a tough one because Hosea is instructed by God to love Gomer even after she's committed adultery with many, many men.

I was listening to it wondering if the message was to love STBXW forever and always believe I was the perfect one for her.

[soleil]

Hello new thread!

Did you guys drink any cider at the haunted place? I love fall!

I was listening to it wondering if the message was to love STBXW forever and always believe I was the perfect one for her.

CTH, on these DB boards, your posts are ones that really give me chills. Cause I can read in the words how much you love your wife and it hurts my heart.

You will always love stbx and she'll always have a place in your heart. This was her choice. You are a great father and a good person and you will be just fine.

[ClingingToHope]

Soleil, I hope you meant chills in a good way. I don't want to be scaring anyone.

Right after we split up I read a book by Eckhart Tolles -- The Power of Now.

He had a chapter on relationships where he said many people don't actually love their spouse, they are addicted to being in a relationship.

I've been trying to figure that one out for 18 months now. Do I really love STBXW or did I just love being married.

Once, during a fight, she said I didn't love her, I just wanted her. There's truth to that. I miss her physically way more than I do emotionally.

We were never ones to have long deep talks -- even in the beginning when we traveling together to install miniblinds -- her job.

I think we were more into the image of us. She was always the quiet type who needs the help of others to be social. I think she thought I'd fill a void for her.

I'd been infatuated with her since I was 18 and she wouldn't give me the time of day -- which just turned out to be shyness. When I was 25 and she was all of a sudden interested, my ego took over. Even though I saw warning signs I ignored them because I figured I could make anything work.

That's part of it to. I'm a fixer. I think I can make anything work. That's part of my abandonment issues from my own parent's divorce.

Soo, so much to think about.

[soleil]

Yes, I did mean chills in a good way. When I read the way you write about her it makes me feel sad because I can tell you really loved her. Sorry if I didn't articulate that the right way...

Sometimes I think we romanticize our partners/idealize them but the reality is that they were flawed and sometimes you look back and you think: gosh we really didn't have that one thing in common, or that other thing, etc. It's interesting.

[ClingingToHope]

I agree GM. I miss, I think, what we could have been rather than what we were.

Weird feeling of dread right now. Tomorrow is the meeting between the Ls. We haven't heard anything in eight weeks. I don't know if it's STBXW's doing or her lawyer's laziness.

In either case, I'll either get a call or a letter with the next steps.

Thursday I sign the lease for the new rental house. Friday I pick up some final things from "the house," including the wedding rings. I'm not sure how that will hit me. I certainly didn't give them to her thinking I'd get them back some day.

Saturday I get the moving truck and move all of the big stuff. Sunday I spend cleaning the old apartment.

Monday the cable and utilities get turned on in the new place.

All that plus I have a TON of stuff piled up at work so I'm going to be spending a lot of time catching up.

[ClingingToHope]

Interesting development. Got a call back from Church_35 today. I asked her on Thursday to a "Green Ball" this Friday. As balls go, it's pretty cheap and I wanted to get out this weekend.

Turns out she is seeing someone. That's why she was in Detroit this weekend -- 5 1/2 hours? But she'd be willing to go with me as a friend.

That caught me off guard. She'd never mentioned seeing anyone in the growth group and didn't when I asked her to an event two weeks ago.

I said going as a friend is fine. I just would like to get out there.

I really wasn't prepared for that. Truthfully, I'd rather not go. I know I wouldn't like it if I had a girlfriend in another state going somewhere as a friend.

She called while I was at home. Since coming back to the office, I sent a message to another lady asking her if she'd like to go.

So that's done.

Here's my dilemma. If the second lady says yes, I will call church_35 back and tell her I don't feel right going with her since she's seeing someone. I know I wouldn't like it.

The question is what do I do if the second says no -- do I still go since I asked her or do I call and call it off?

I don't want to mess up the church group vibe. I also don't want to be an *ss and insult her.

[kat727]

I say nothing wrong with being friends. I have a friend (a guy) that we go back and forth as to who buys dinner when we get together. I don't plan on not being his friend just because I am dating some one. Maybe they just started seeing each other...who knows.

have fun, kat

[smith18]

Another possibility is that Church_35 knows you are still legally married and is not wanting to have a so called date with a married man. Going as a friend makes it easier for her.

You did kind of set yourself up in a pickle by asking 2 ladies out to the ball. There can be only one cinderella.

[whatisis]

Here's my dilemma. If the second lady says yes, I will call church_35 back and tell her I don't feel right going with her since she's seeing someone. I know I wouldn't like it.

The question is what do I do if the second says no -- do I still go since I asked her or do I call and call it off?

I don't want to mess up the church group vibe. I also don't want to be an *ss and insult her.

Wow, I warned ya!!! But this is even more interesting than I'd imagined it would be. OK, if you feel it is not right to go out with another guy's gf, regardless of whether you can get someone else to go instead, then you back out. Morals aren't dependent on whether you have another date or not. Now, how do you tell her? AKWARD!!! If you say you don't feel comfortable going out with someone who has a bf, then you're insinuating she's doing something wrong by saying yes. If you B.S. her then she'll know you're just brushing her off cuz she has a bf and that can effect your R at group...somehow I'm kind of glad I'm me right now and not you, despite the fact that I'm getting a Colonoscopy tomorrow. Btw, I'm the guy that was having coffee with a lady for months, who also had a bf, and it really wasn't one of my better choices in life although nothing happened...it just turned out bad. So,if you're not into the "friend" thing (does her bf know and is he OK with it, I'm guessing not!) then bail. That's the best I can do for you.

[Virtually_Handsome]

I agree with Wii. Tell her you thought about it, and you'd rather not go as friends. But you do that right now, before you even know whether the other lady says yes or no.

As far as being as *ss, well, you kinda set yourself up! (Just kidding, mostly!)