Been working on getting over the EA and other trust issues. W seems to be losing all hope in our marriage. I ask her what may make her happy and she says I don't know. I also ask what she needs from me and again she says I don't know. I feel we are growing further apart. Sex is getting less and it wasn't that much to start with. communication about us is less and less. Even general chit chat is going down. She has said that we will eventually get divorced and she doesn't live well with others. I will admit I ask stupid question, like why are you waxing your lip to go out with gf? I have been laying off that as well as everything else. I guess you can say I am giving her the space she wants. We even sleep in seperate rooms. She says she doesn't feel comfortable sleeping with me or even to do things around the house or even go out, because I will ask a question or may even get upset. The only time I can remember blowing up was when she went somewhere and didn't leave a note and her cell would go strait to voicemail and I didn't blow up until she said I was overreacting. I think she is blowing everthing up because she wants a divorce but wants me to file. I have no idea anymore what is going on we have been going to MC for awhile and I am not sure that is working. W says she maybe BP type 2 or have some kind of depresion. I ask when she will go to see IC and she blows up and says she will go when she is ready and to stop asking. NOt sure what to do other then not say anything to her and not try to do anything with her. Sorry I am truly confused as she keeps telling me contrary things. Help....
Me:33 W:34 DD(1st marriage):12 lives with mom DD:4 DD:3 M:6 day she said didn't want to be married: 06/2009 EA:02/2010 as far as I know day I told her I knew:05/2010
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
I ask her what may make her happy and she says I don't know. I also ask what she needs from me and again she says I don't know.
norstar,
IMHO this isn't leading. She doesn't want to talk/think about the R. So don't. Ask her "I'm going to see (insert favorite band here) play at the (insert favorite venue) here, wanna come?" and if she does, have fun, if not, have fun without her. Be the guy you would want to be without her, and let her follow you.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
Sorry you find yourself here, Norstar. How long have you been sleeping separately? My guess is that she is still involved w/ the other guy. What's the background story there? Please elaborate. She is being wishy-washy which makes me think that is why someone else is in the picture.
Instead of asking her what it takes to make her happy, begin to act happy yourself. Make some improvements in yourself. Are you still the man she fell in love with?
I don't like the kind of man who is constantly smothering me with questions. It was always a turn-off. Maybe she feels the same way.
As is if you are going to be just fine whether she is or not. Continue to back of and give her slack.
Find things to do and causally invite her to join,but not in a "needy" way. If she doesn't then you act fine. Say, okay....see ya.
Become more interesting and excited. Those things just might help jump-start her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
