My 40 year old wife's MLC

[Troy999]

Eric, I just read your posts and all I can say is wow. I feel humbled to have you working with me. Your wife's lack of communication is exactly what I am experiencing. I have GAL'd. I already worked out a ton and spent a bunch of time with the kids. Her complaint about me when she dropped the bomb was a lack of communication-My GAL activities have been:
1. Going to church and bible study weekly which is change from my once a month routine in the past.
2. Fixing things around the house-was always a point of contention for wife.
3. Helping out with household chores, cooking dinner for the kids 3 or 4 times a week and brining home food 1 or 2 nights a week.
4. I have reached out to my side of the family which I have largely ignored over the past few years.(Not detailing wife's divorce plans to my family just reconnecting)
5. Stopped watching TV as much although my 10 year old S is a football nut and we do watch games together on the weekends.
6. I have read probably 10 relationship books and the new Bourne novel. These are the first books I have read in 10 years.

Eric, your life's journey makes mine look like a cake walk. My wife is not having an affair-just in MLC. Everything is hurry up because life is too short with her currently. I have noticed the wedding ring being worn some days and not others-just as you did. I need a game plan. I feel much better fighting this battle if I have a plan in place. I am about to read DR again. Thanks again.

[ericmsant2]

Troy

I feel humbled to have you working with me

Don’t feel humbled. I am just a regular guy dude – just like you. There are many people on these boards that are special and I am honored to be able to call them my friends. We are in in this together. One day, you will be able to pay it forward. Remember this Troy.

I need a game plan.

Need a game plan? Okay

Step 1 – Detach
Step 2 – Detach some more
Step 3 – Detach even more
Step 4 – (done in conjunction with steps 1 – 3) – GAL
Step 5 – Work on YOUR issues

FOR YOU

Step 6 – Detach a lot more (usually at this step you have done a little GAL and done some work, usually the changes will be for HER and IF she does not notice them or come running back, you will get really angry – hence step 6 is detach)
Step 7 – GAL (cause you will be angry and sad that she STILL does not acknowledge your changes – and your probably still doing them for HER)
Step 8 – Work on you
Step 9 – Start working out to get out some more anger
Step 10 – Go on spending spree if you can afford it
Step 11 – Detach more, do some serious soul searching
Step 12 – Sit down and cry
Step 13 – Go rub one out (at this point you’ll know why)
Step 14 – Detach, cry and more soul searching
Step 15 – Begin to emerge
Step 16 – Regain your strength and accept that this is about HER
Step 17 – Go live YOUR life
Step 18 – Detach some more
Step 19 – Really live your life
Step 20 – Work on yourself (step 20 is performed concurrently with all other step and never ends)

Troy,

I have a few questions for you.

What is it about YOU that you do not like and want to change?

If I told you that in 1 year life would change dramatically BUT that you could do or have 3 things for YOU, what would they be?

What is love to you?

How would you describe yourself?

I’m just wondering.

Eric

[Truegritter]

I’m just wondering.

He ^^^^ is wonderer.

Troy Eric has given you some great advice.

Especially step # 13.

I don't think they will publish these in the next edition of DR

BUT

He is spot on.

This is a process and how you move through is up to you

AND

What YOU want.

There comes a day when the sky opens up and a light shines down upon you

and you realize that YOU control all of this.

Then we roll out a keg of beer and celebrate

Cause that is a good day.

so

What is love to you?

Good question. Very good question.

???

There is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow but it is not what you are expecting.

It is not what you think you want.

It is something much better than you ever imagined.

Keep steppin'

[ericmsant2]

Troy,

Just stopping by to wish you a happy Turkey Day.

God Bless,
Eric