it has been a VERY long time since i have even came to this site.
over the past several months i have went through all the stages of emotion one can think of when their spouse cheats on them.
in the begining i wanted nothing more to get my family back together and move forward...much easier said than done. sadly she has decided to come back to me and as hard as i try i cannot get past the fact that she betrayed me, our family and had sex with OM (repeatedly over close to 6 months). I really want my family to be intact but i cannot forgive what she did....as hard as i try.
I have no ill feelings for her as i still love her...but not in love with her...funny same line she used on me almost a year ago.
just wanted to thank all of those who helped me through my toughest times - not sure what i am oing to do going forward but at this point just kind of hanging in limbo.
thanks again everyone - hope you others have better success than i did in the end.
Last edited by gman; 10/13/1003:33 PM.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
Sorry to hear about your sitch. I'm new and can see that I maybe in your shoes in a few months. My question for you is, why can't you forgive her? I can understand not being able to trust her, but why not forgive her? I know it is easier said than done, but why?
I really don't mean any disrespect, and I'm not saying I could do it in your sitch.
Good luck to you.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
Gman, I am in the same boat and can see how this would affect you. My W slept with a guy but I'm not sure what it was about because she was drunk when she did.
I am having the same emotions about her. Can I forgive, will it be enough? Should I even condone what ahe did or call it quits?
Mine had the same excuse. Booze is no excuse. No you shouldn't condone it, but that doesn't mean you have to call it quits. Just my opinion.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself. I know its easier said than done, my wife had a one nighter 2 years ago it devastated me and I thought we had worked through it. Just when I was about the heal this second round hit, I think her little fling 2 years ago was a dress rehearsal for the final act. If you do stay with her she should have to work her butt off to prove that shes not doing anything. She should also understand it will take years for you to ever trust her and she should be OK with that. If she works on herself then keeping your family together is great, but if she thinks you should act like nothing ever happened then you should probably move on.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
Do NOT take them back UNTIL or IF they can PROVE to you over time that it will NOT happen again, that they are truly sorry, and what will happen if they DO let it happen again...
Do NOT take them back UNTIL you have fully forgiven them and UNTIL you KNOW that you can move on from it.
Reconciling for the wrong reasons or too soon is a recipe for disaster. Do your homework and make them do their homework.
The moral of the story is if that forgiveness is necessary to reconciliation. If you want to heal your marriage, you have to stop holding a grudge. Those who value their hurt feelings over the marriage end up without a marriage. And yes, she cheated on you. Future wife might not have any black stains on her yet, but who's to say that she won't make the same mistake too. A new marriage is not a guarantee against cheating. Someone who regrets the mistake, understands the hurt that it causes and doesn't want to repeat the past is a better bet for future constancy. At least, that's how I see it.
There is a thread on forgiveness started by Saffie. It was started in response to a post I made saying that those who cannot forgive cannot reconcile. This thread just proves my point.
Agree completely Lotus... And I also feel that forgiveness is a CHOICE.
You have to decide to forgive someone, and then actually WORK towards that. It doesn't just happen... You don't just wake up one day and realize you have forgiven. You have to make a conscious decision to forgive, and when those bad thoughts start to pop in your head you have to remember you made a decision.
I hope that made sense?
Anyways... Thats something I am struggling with myself lately. I have made the decision to forgive my wife. When I feel the anger start to rear up in my head, I just remind myself of the decision I made...
What is it they say? Forgiveness means giving up all hope of a better past. It think that is the quote. It's true. The mistake too many people make is that they think they can have a better future while dragging all the baggage of the past with them. And every now and then they unwrap the past and remind themselves and each other of all its problems, and they wonder why things don't get better.
It doesn't work that way. You have to leave the past behind or you cannot have a better future.
