I am currently no contact with my H, only emails regarding finances and occassional questions/concerns about our D12/D9. We had been to therapy as a family twice, but D12 told him at last session that she would not accept his decison to abandon our family and while she still loves him, she will not longer let him hurt her and told him straght out that she wants no contact with him- not even email. That was two weeks ago.
Last Wednesday he emailed me and said he had some papers signed for me (permission to travel out of state with the girls). He offered to fax, but said he had a birthday gift for our D9 and could give me the papers when he brought the gift. Our schedule was very busy all weekend and I told him that he could come by on Monday morning (today) before the girls went to school, 7:15-8am. He didn't respond. On Friday i found out that my travel plans changed so I emailed him to let him know he needed to change the papers he signed to reflect the changes and he could bring them on Monday. He said, Sure. I'd like to see the girls I miss them. Do you think they'll go to dinner with me on Tuesday. Each girl had a different response when I asked. D12 said no. D9 said she'll see him on Monday and he can ask her then. I sent him an email and let him know this. He never responded. I assumed that he would be coming by to see D9 this morning. D12 spent the night with a friend so she would not see him. This morning when I checked my email I saw that he emailed me at 3:15am to say he was out of town and missed his flight home. He wouldn't be able to come by, but maybe he could see the girls on Tuesday. D9 said no, she asked me to tell him she didn't want her birthday present. (Her birthday was October 1) I did not tell him this. I sent him a text and gave him a fax number to fax the papers I need, but he never responded.
I'm not sure what to do. I need to travel for work and I have to have the papers to leave the state. I don't even know where he lives at this point. He rented a house and has not told us where he is living.
Please try to stick to one thread until it gets to 100 posts or 10 pages.
It can be confusing for us to give you advice which we may have already posted.
As far as how to handle your daughters, you must do whatever is best for THEM. Do not worry about your WH, he may respond he may not. You are the primary care giver for them and you must be the BEST MOM you can be.
D12 is probably old enough to decide for herself what kind of R she will have with her father. I would not get involved as much as possible.
I am not sure what else you are asking about "handling"?
If the youngest D doesn't want to see her dad, then you tell him that. You can't keep playing the polite parent. He damaged his R with them, it's not your job to fix the broken bridges. It's his.
He also has to live with the consequences of his actions. If he doesn't start suffering any consequences, he will continue to do what he's going to do, especially since you've been very "accomodating".
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
