XH is marrying OW after only 5 months of D!!

[lea74]

So, havent posted for a really long time as I thought I was doing okay. Being working on myself, GAL, spending lots of time with my sons and also been on a couple od dates. However today, my sons arrived home to tell me that XH told them that he is getting married to the OW next year.

I am devastated!! I knew it would happen at some point, but what is the rush. My sons are also so upset they are just getting used to the idea of her being around and now this.

Will it last? What do I do??

[ImprovedRomeo]

Lea, that is a big blow...it's the last bomb we all fear. I know you must be feeling awful about this and perhaps time and reflection are the only things that'll get you through it but if you look at it objectively this won't change your life in any way. You'll still live your life the way you have been for the past several months until next year if he does get married.

The way I see it is they've been with other people and that's the hardest thing to accept and get over. Everything else is just stuff. Besides, M is really just a piece of paper...especially to the WAS type.

(((hugs)))

[BobbiJo]

My x just brought his ow to his parents' farm this weekend to meet the family...I know how much it hurts. However a good friend told me, "If he wasn't faithful to you, then he won't be to her, either. Now she gets to deal with his moods and his cheating, not you." Small comfort, but it's something...

I don't know if it will last. Many of these second marriages fail, and some that continue for years, only continue bc the WAS is so prideful he/she won't divorce and admit they once again made a mistake. So, try to let them worry about their marriage prospects. I know it isn't easy to let it go...

[kml]

They remarry cuz they have to justify their behavior - and because the OW is nervous and needs to stake her claim.

My ex is with a girl 19 years younger, last time I was in his place I noticed she had caught the bridal bouquet at a recent wedding and hung it up to dry in the dining room. Think she's pressuring him? Lol.

Still - she's nice to my college-aged kids, she wasn't involved in the divorce, and I feel kinda sorry for her - she's not getting the same guy I married.

Doesn't bother me cuz I DON'T want him back! I hope she will care for him in his doddering old age so my kids don't have to.

[lea74]

Thanks KML. Unfortunately the OW was the reason for the D and she is not great to my kids, and says really mean things about me to my kids.

I think yes she is trying to stake her claim - my XH never ever collects them on his own. I asked him to come with me to a parents evening at my son's school and he said no and is going with her. I think she is scared to let him near me without her.

Yes and XH is probably trying to justify the distruction of our family i.e. I had no choice to get a D as I wanted to marry her. It will be good to have a stable relationship for the boys etc etc etc!!! Blah blah blah!!

[Gypsy]

Hello ms. lea..

"Water the seeds, not the weeds.".. that's what a friend often told me.

Take care of you and your kids and the rest will follow. Keep taking the high road, emphasizing to the kids that your only concern is not what their father does but how it effects them... cuz you're the mom.

There's a website where high school students were writing about "If you really knew me you'd know....". So many of the snippets refer to the pain of their parents' divorce, of a mom or father no longer wanting to be there.. how the kids in turn hurt themselves by cutting, taking drugs, being promiscuous, angry, depressed. It broke my heart.

From my experience all I can be is the best mom I know how to be, provide a stable, secure home, support their passions, maintain appropriate boundaries and let them know I'm not going anywhere.

And listening is worth more than all the wisdom in the world.

*hugs*

ps.. kml you crack me up.. and that's such a good wish!

[antlers]

"Water the seeds, not the weeds".

Wow!

[antlers]

Take care of you and your kids and the rest will follow.

From my experience all I can be is the best mom I know how to be, provide a stable, secure home, support their passions, maintain appropriate boundaries and let them know I'm not going anywhere.

That just about sums it up.

[lea74]

Thanks for the input everyone. Gosh head is all over the place, but the bottom line is that I really wish that they had just shown a little respect and waited some more time for us all to get over the sadness of the distruction of our family and appreciate our new life. I still cant even say out loud that I am divorced or use the word ex-husband, I guess he never will have to as he has gone from being married to have a fiance'. I guess if they had been respectful they never would have done what they did. A's are a total disrespect of the marriage vows!!

[lea74]

In response to a couple of your comments:

Definitely think that she is scared stiff and needs to stake her claim on the xH. I think she may be petrified that he will realise that he has made a mistake.

In comparison to our relationship she definitely wears the pants in that house. Well actually it is her house and she is now the breadwinner so totally controls the relationship. He hated the fact that I didnt contribute enough financially to the household, however I worked part time so that he could travel as when he needed for his job and progress up the career ladder so well as he did.

She was also married and so also had an A with my xH. So they both cheated and therefore are both cheaters. The irony is that she now travels alot for her job whilst he stays at home (as I did for most of my marriage), I guess he is also scared that she will cheat on him.

Gosh what a wonderful way to start a new relationship/marriage. Not sure who is happy in this whole process!!