Is there anything you know now that you did not know at the beginning of your sitch? If you had to say one (or a few things) to someone now starting this journey, what would you say?
There are several things I know now that I didn't know then. Or maybe I knew them theoretically but I hadn't lived them. I will just mention a few and invite you to chime in with yours:
1. Hurt people hurt people. 2. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. 3. Compassion for the WAS is essential. You are on good ground when you can get to the point where you can say "I understand..." and mean it. It doesn't necessarily mean that you agree, just that you understand. It doesn't mean that you give your stamp of approval to their behaviour. It just means that you understand that this is where they are right now. 4. Prayer changes everything. It changes you. And because it changes you, it changes your situation. 5. Marriage is a gift we take lightly. Love should be treasured, watered, fed, nurtured. Why do we feed physical hunger but not emotional hunger? 6. It is not about the OP. Really. If it wasn't this OP it would be some OP. It is about you and your H/W getting it right so that the possibility oF OP cannot take root. Because there will always be opportunity to stray if you do not become grounded. Or if you or your H/W do not develop the maturity to say "Houston, we have a problem and we need to talk about xyz". 7. Time apart can be a gift, if you choose to let it be. Use it wisely.
So, having taken this journey, is there anything pactical, funny or profound that you would wish to let a newcomer know? Something that you know now but didn't know or think possible then?
my question is, how can you even try and figure out a WAS sspouse when they won't even speak to you? I have to get the information about school from my 5 y/o. When I pick them up or drop them off, all she does is put a cocky smile on her face.
M-38 W-37 T-16,M-11 (Oct 30,1999) S-5 S-2 Wife left 7/4/2010
"When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?" — Henry Rollins
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
Friends and family are wonderful! Be thankful every day for them. They are biased and likely "don't understand".
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
Develop a spiritual life. It may be the only solid ground to get through the rough times while our physical lives, mental health, and emotional equilibrium are in disarray.
You must grow in patience when you meet with great wrongs, and they will then be powerless to vex your mind. ---Leonardo da Vinci
3. Compassion for the WAS is essential. You are on good ground when you can get to the point where you can say "I understand..." and mean it. It doesn't necessarily mean that you agree, just that you understand. It doesn't mean that you give your stamp of approval to their behaviour. It just means that you understand that this is where they are right now.
I so agree with that. Two things I wish I could re-do: getting a L stat after he sent me some papers and DETACHING.
