I am 5 days away from a deadline. A year after my W said she'd move out once the kids grew up, and I freaked and asked if she wanted a D (she said yes), I gave up and told her if by the "anniversary" of this bad day she didn't want to struggle for things to work out, I'd file that day. I also told her I wanted things to work out...
I was wondering how many people tried fixing and interal or shared deadline and if it was worth breaking, or sticking to...
I'm new at this and I have a deadline of sorts coming up. Most people seem to be of the perspective that setting a deadline usually fails.
If you are done, you are done but I think I'd give it a little more time. You don't have to tell her you are, but maybe another month. That way if she is the type that doesn't do well with deadlines, she has the opportunity to save face.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
I read a bit into your sitch...your comments are appreciated! For me, I went the deadline approach because after 8 months of saying she wanted a D, and 12 months of telling me that "we" would never be happy together (and then partly reversing that hours, days, or a week later), she consistently has said she has no energy for the R and wants time. But she won't say how much!
Person deadline, especially when communicated to the other person, puts pressure on that person. So are you just going to decide that day your done?
Personally, I can't put a deadline on my feelings. I have know idea how I'm going to feel about something until it happens.
If you need to file b/c of a deadline then It won't help your sitch.
If you have shown your W that you have moved on and detached, then there's a different feeling from the WAW.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Reading through my posts, you can see I have went back and forth with my own internal deadline. In my point of view, as we grow and learn, our thinking changes. What seemed to be the end proves to be something else; another chance to listen, learn, grow, fight, hold your tongue, whatever.
My point is, when you are done, you and only you will know.
Thanks for everyone's input. I didn't need to wait for the deadline...she called Monday with a hopeful message, and that quickly soured to her wanting a divorce. So I'm officially filing for a D. I've been on the boards off and on since Dec 31 and while I've been trying to change, she keeps saying she needs time.
Warning to all WAH's/LBS...time is an enemy when it is taken for granted!
Thanks for your thoughts everyone & best of luck on not ever having to come back to this site in your current R or a future one if that is what God knows is best for you....Adam
Filing doesn't have to mean that it is over Adam. File and then let her go. I am not familiar with the details of your sitch, but I wanted to give you my support.
If you have been here since December, You probably already know what to do and what not to.
