Where Does the WAW go--Take 2

[Doodi]

Doodi,
I've been following on and off. Sounds to me you dont know what to do with "the control" you have.

You're right I don't know what to do with it because I don't feel like I have any control. My life feels chaotic.

I dont care how nicely you put it, how many half hearted attempts you have made, how justified you are to feel this way (which I dont doubt), how you treat him now, has to do with ...humanity (is this how you say it?). Years of "abuse" from his part, do not entitle you to cruelty.

You take advantage that he doesnt have the nerve to tell you to go and allow yourself to be stagnate in a sitch that you desrcibe as torture... Do what you want to do. I suggest you take some risks, better to make that choice before you find yourself not able to avoid anymore. I suggest you stop using the martyr card to yourself. You are strong, you can do as you want. No excuses. This isnt about your H anymore. You are the one controlling things now. This is about you. What's YOUR progress the last 5 months?
K

2x4 received. I've always said the pathway to H3LL is paved with good intentions and this is definitely proof of that. Taking the next step will take strength...can I find it within myself?

[Doodi]

You can't change the way you feel until you change your thinking. You feel in absolutes leaves no room for things to change.

Google Martin Seligman and Learned Optimism.

I saw this book at the library, but I'm so overwhelmed with reading material right now. I feel like I have the how Marriage Survival section on my coffee table. I will get to that one...right after the others that have been pushed my way.

I'm not done fighting so I will get there.
Doodi

[Coach]

It's not about marriage it's about helping you. Just google it. There is some good info on-line about his work.

[TimeHeals]

It's not about marriage it's about helping you.

Helping yourself can sometimes help your marriage. It's funny how a few tiny changes in your perspective can change everything.

[soleil]

I am glad to hear you are seeing an IC. That is very beneficial.

I think I want my marriage, but I need to to make sure I want it for the right reasons. But the problem is I don't know if I can find out who I am, while I'm still in the M trying to fix it.

I sense hesitation (re: limbo).

I've always been inadequate.

No, you're not.

And I most definitely love your Rocky quote. It describes my mental state to a tee. Got any other good ones up your sleeve.

Doodi, in the thick of the madness I went through last year, I would read and re-read that quote and it was the only thing making me feel sane. No lie.

[Doodi]

It's not about marriage it's about helping you.

Helping yourself can sometimes help your marriage. It's funny how a few tiny changes in your perspective can change everything.

This is what I'm thinking. Fix me and it's a big step towards fixing our marriage. My IC uses the oxygen mask analogy...If I don't put my mask on first, I risk passing out trying to put it on my marriage.

[Doodi]

Soleil,

You're right I am in Limbo. I know it's one that I created but that doesn't mean it's any less frustrating.

I know I'm not inadequate but I it's hard to remember when things are heated and that's when I end up in that miserable place.

I will keep reading 'our' Rocky quote. I'll read it until I don't need it anymore.

Smooches to all of you for being their and helping me.
Doodi

[pinhead]

You can handle this.

[soleil]

And you WILL handle this

TGIF lady!

[Scared2Def]

you really do deserve each other because you are both trying, whether you know it or not, it is obvious in your posts that you both want this so badly. keep doing it and you will concur the frustrations of marriage.