Should I Tell Her To Move Back.....?

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Sol,

Nothing set up yet along the lines of MC. She needs to commit first, then we can proceed accordingly.

Also during our talk, I did bring up her friendship with one person. She said she knows how I feel about the situation.

That needed to be discussed before I would committed. She has the choice.

[Starsky309]

Sol,

Nothing set up yet along the lines of MC. She needs to commit first, then we can proceed accordingly.

Also during our talk, I did bring up her friendship with one person. She said she knows how I feel about the situation.

And yet you're going to send her flowers, BEFORE she has made the choice?

I think that would be a mistake. It's "pursuing."

Starsky

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Starsky,

Believe when I say I know it would be pursuing. In most circumstances it would be however I believe this is what she wants.

eg.
I recall meeting W at D5 dance at school after I gave her the book SSM to read.
I didn't want to reach out and ask how's the reading coming along b/c that too would be pursuing. Agree?

Well, in one of her emails she stated she thought I would reach out the her and intiate R talk to her. I didn't want to pursue.
I failed that test.

It is now the right time to show her a sign of kindness. She even said to me today that I would do nice things then do mean things. So if I so her more consistant good behavior I'm eliminating negative action from our sitch. I think that's a good thing.

I'm trusting my gut in the case.

[soleil]

Ok, what's the background on the "friend."

[Starsky309]

Starsky,

Believe when I say I know it would be pursuing. In most circumstances it would be however I believe this is what she wants.

Your "gut" may or may not be right here, gr8 -- you know your wife the best -- but I'd only submit to you that EVERY wayward spouse who is cake-eating WANTS both slices of cake.

I wouldn't let that drive your decision.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

this is a girl friend who she reunited with on FB in January 09.
This friend is D and I met her a few times. Long story short:
This friend is a partier who goes out to the bars in hopes to meet someone. She has a bad influence on my W and I heard through the grapevine Friend was encouraging W to hook up with OMen.

She tried to say to me that I would go out to shoot in my dart league with ny friend and wouldn't come home until after midnight. I said to her 1) my friend is in a R. 2) We were M and I never cheated on you or led you to believe I would cheat. 3) You were going out with GF before you left me and you told me guys where hitting on you.

I asked her to tell me I'm wrong on anything I stated and she couldn't.
I left the decision to her. I just said W could't be apart of my life if GF was around. She knows exactly what I'm talking about.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Your "gut" may or may not be right here, gr8 -- you know your wife the best -- but I'd only submit to you that EVERY wayward spouse who is cake-eating WANTS both slices of cake

I appreciate the advice. If I find one shred of evidence W is out seeking OM during this pre-piecing step, ALL BETS ARE OFF!
Instant deal breaker with no chance of R.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

I decided yesterday to send flowers to W to be recieved today along with a small kind note. I know there was mixed feelings about me sending the flowers.

Well, W recieved them today and called me. I couldn't pick up so she left a message stating she recieved them, said they were beautiful AND that it meant a lot to her. Then she goes and asks me out for Saturday night!

2 things I learned from her yesterday, 1. She wants me to lead us through this process and 2. She likes to receive small tokens of appreciation.

It is amazing once you learn how to show the right love towards your spouse how recepive they are to it.

more to come...Piecing may now begin.

[hurtinhartford]

gr8,

Great news to hear! I can only dream that my sitch can get to this point. Anyway, it is warming to hear good news for a change.

[gutwrenching]

gr8 -
saw your questions, answered best I could
Great news, its a whole new path now and just as difficult but in different ways.