Reconnecting with family and friends.

[konfuseeed]

Hey everyone.

My wife and I have been doing pretty well since deciding to give things a try. It's still pretty new, and we have already had to have a few really uncomfortable, hard conversations, but we got through them and still loved each other after. We spend tons of time together and have been getting along great. We are both very happy to be back together. Right now were just kinda enjoying the time together and not talking too seriously about the next steps.

We have talked about putting the rings on and moving back in together, but were not there yet. Both of our leases are up in 5 months, so that could work out well.

Anyways...

We have run into one pretty nasty snag, and I'm hoping someone has had a similar experience and can help out.

Here's the problem.

My wife left me, out of the blue, and started "dating" very soon afterwards.

This caused almost all of our mutual friends to be pretty disgusted with her, and cut her off completely. That hurt her badly. I basically had a HUGE support group helping me through it, and she had nobody.

These people never disliked her, they just didnt agree with what she did. They have all been very supportive about us getting back together.

So now, word is getting around that her and I are back together, and all of a sudden some of these people who didnt even want to talk to her while we were separated are texting her, emailing her and seeing how shes doing and stuff.

And shes... Offended. And hurt.



Bottom line here is she knows she is going to have to face some very awkward meetings coming up.

To her credit, she knows this. She told me she gives herself pep talks about it, which is pretty cute actually.



Anyways, I want to make this as comfortable on her as possible... Her reconnecting and seeing my close friends and family, but she is so hurt by them "ditching her" during the separation I dont really know what to do or say.


Sorry for the ramble... Hopefully someone has some advice.

[john28]

It's going to be uncomfortable no matter what for her. She has to unfortunately face the consequences of her past actions like we all do. For some of us, our actions left to our WAS. For others, it lead to piecing and having the face the inlaws after having an A.

Let her know that you know it will be difficult and can understand how she is offended. But, you'll do your best to support her in reconnecting with your friends. You will let them know how happy you are to be with her and you are trying to forgive her. If you can forgive her, they sure as hell ought to be able to.

We all know why she's offended, no need hashing that out.

Let her know that you'll be there.

I anticipate if I ever move into piecing I'll have to have this same conversation with my family, which knows about my W's EA and such. That will be difficult.

Just continue to let her know that you're working from a place of love and will let everyone else know that. Maybe she'll understand some day that the truth of what happened hurt your friends and family. She'll have to make amends with that and you'll support her.

[MrBond]

There's nothing really you can do about it. She has to be the one to cope with it. Help her to deal with it in a healthy way.

Have you arranged for any type of counseling? This is key to keep the positive changes going.

[saffie]

If these people are supportive of you getting back together then I am sure they will be warm and welcoming. Also, they will probably feel embarrassed by their behaviour as well.

Try and stay by your partners side at gatherings to begin with; be attentive, don't wander off with the boys and leave her alone to cope. Gradually it will get better. get some of the female friends to invite her out on a one to one basis for coffee or something and make sure they are primed NOT to talk about your R difficulties unless your W broaches the subject.

My H and I found our friends tried to avoid speaking about what had happened in our M- it made them uncomfortable. Now enough time has gone past sometimes my H and I will joke about it in company...............time does heal.