A friend of mine (and my H) called me today and told me my H contacted her H, a couple weeks ago. He called her H to apologize for how he has treated him these past 1-1\2 years. They were close friends up until the crisis hit. Then contact stopped to this friend. When he did talk to him\them, he was a real smartass and said some pretty harsh things to them. He also sort of wrecked a hunting trip with this friend due to mlc mind and not remembering to do wht he was supposed to do for license.
They were extremely surprised by this as I, and thought it was strange. Friend said my H started out speaking well, then as conversation went on, he almost sounded lethargic. I was wondering if anyone had this experience? Or if anyone had any thoughts on it.
M\51- H\53 crisis-08 M-30 years 2-D's 25\22 ILYBINILWY - Feb 09 BD - Mar 09 Sep- May 09 NC -Jan 10 H fl'd papers Aug-10
I would suggest that you re-read the MLC resources and see if anything is mentioned regarding the speach.
I would also recomend that you stop looking at him. I know you are. I know that he is still in your mind.
So what else is BM doing for BM?
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
ericm, Thanks. I will re-read the sources. Yes, I have to say my H is still in my mind, although not as much now...
Anyone -
My H left a note for me today. He wants to talk again next week - to go over more stuff on divorce. So I will just keep on meeting with him, just listen to what he has to say, say nothing etc? Right?
M\51- H\53 crisis-08 M-30 years 2-D's 25\22 ILYBINILWY - Feb 09 BD - Mar 09 Sep- May 09 NC -Jan 10 H fl'd papers Aug-10
So I will just keep on meeting with him, just listen to what he has to say, say nothing etc? Right?
IMO, not meeting with him is only going to upset him. If you meet I would listen and NOT commit to anything. NOTHING.
Just listen and validate - as hard as it may be you need to demonstrate your strength. No breaking down and pleading for him to come home.
Good luck Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Thanks eric I have met with him once on this stuff. I just listened to what he wanted to divide up, he asks if I agree to what he is proposing on stuff, like who gets what, etc, said what I didn't agree with and he changed things over to my list.
I don't ever plead or cry or beg..none of that. So I will validate, how do I apply the "do not commit to anything" when he is asking about division of property? I have already done so on many things. From the first time.
M\51- H\53 crisis-08 M-30 years 2-D's 25\22 ILYBINILWY - Feb 09 BD - Mar 09 Sep- May 09 NC -Jan 10 H fl'd papers Aug-10
how do I apply the "do not commit to anything" when he is asking about division of property?
You explain to him that you are not comfortable talking about this right now.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Update. I received another paper from court. It is to tell me of, I believe, final hearing for divorce. It is in early December. So H is adamant,as always. He sent me text last evening asking me if I would meet with him tomorrow to talk over more stuff on divorce. I thought about it and thought about it.
I was going to stop my day and meet with him. But my helper has also reminded me that I am NC,dark. And there are the 180's. So I am going to do another 180 and not meet with him. I sent him a text asking that he put what he wants in a letter and leave it for me, or he can email the info. I will look at it and send him a reply.
This is wearing, is it not? I had a good hard cry form being tired.I was just wore out with that stuff. Texts, notes, papers, letters. Every holiday.
I have allowed H to ruin every Holiday for 2 years. I am NOT going to allow that to be this year! he managed to send something rotten for EVERY holiday. It is uncanny really. But enough about him. I am detaching,detaching...stretching out that.......................c-o-r-d...snap! There. Detached. :>)If it were only that easy.
M\51- H\53 crisis-08 M-30 years 2-D's 25\22 ILYBINILWY - Feb 09 BD - Mar 09 Sep- May 09 NC -Jan 10 H fl'd papers Aug-10
Courageous wife, Thanks for responding. And thanks for boost! :>)
I decided to do a 180 and I did NOT meet with H. But I did ask him to write down what he wanted and leave it for me. He did. I told him I would look at it and send him a reply.
I have always bent in this situation whenever he texts. Always on his time, when he feels like it. I always comply. So I thought about it and decided, he expects me to do that, so I am going to do a 180 and NOT meet with him and do correspondence through email or text or letter.
I have to admit I felt good doing that. I did my usual thing and went to fave coffee house and met with D's as usual.
I did text him on a matter he left about him getting an appraiser to see home. I got scared and sent a text asking why the appraiser, am I going to lose my home? As he has told me that I will not. He did send a text back telling me NO, I was not losing home. And that he told me I would not. So I just told him OK, I do not trust easily, but I will trust you on this.
That was it.
I sure miss the man who was my H.
M\51- H\53 crisis-08 M-30 years 2-D's 25\22 ILYBINILWY - Feb 09 BD - Mar 09 Sep- May 09 NC -Jan 10 H fl'd papers Aug-10
