4MB, My kids are 13 and 10 and in the beginning I made sure they called and yes the couple of times they did not and I got blamed.
I see from your thread in Newcomers that your boys are 10,8 and 5. Certainly your 10 year old is old enough to call on his own but not the 5 year old. I will say from my experience that my own situation would be better if my D13 was on speaking terms with my W.
IMO you are not repairing nor damaging anything by making sure your boys call, and you might even go so far as you telling them "it is time to call Dad", whether they want to or not. If you make the call and your 10 year old does not talk that is his choice but your H can not lay that one on you.
My wife views her broken relationship with our D13 a major roadblock to the possibility of reconciliation. If I had to do things over I would definitely try to keep the kids more neutral.
I know how you are feeling, "why should I make our son's call, it was his choice to bail out on the family"......
If there is to be a road back for the WAS/MLC it is easier for them to travel that path if it is not so bumpy.
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
You are right. The kids are the MOST important thing here.
And I fell into the trap and responded, saying "If it is your expectation of them to return your calls, then I will make sure they do."
He responded "My expectation is that you support a relationship between me and the kids. By not having them call me back it makes me believe you do not care if they have one with me or not. That makes me sad but if it is the case I will deal with it."
I am so ANGRY right now!! Because of HIS choices and "expectations", I have less time to spend with my kids. I feel like he is attacking me for the way I am trying to handle this situation he has thrown me in with no warning. All the hurt and pain hits me square in the face when I see him drive away with them. Just when I thought I was getting stronger and detaching, I feel like I did at the beginning. I need to go jog this off...
UGH!! He just texted again and said "If you will not support a relationship between me and the boys I need to know".
Now I feel like he's threatening me. I have not denied him access to the kids since this whole thing began! Man, is this the anger stage? I don't even know where this is coming from!
This is the MLC=confusion part that you have to learn to deal with. That's why the essential element is that you learn to detach. Detachment doesn't mean you stop loving, it means that you can live your life without his actions affecting you. Don't try to make sense of what he says. It doesn't make sense. You can't understand crazy. Trying will only make YOU crazy.
Do not respond with emotion. Be calm, and let him know what actions you will take to ensure that the kids will remain in contact with him. Do not address any of his other comments. Since the kids are young, it will fall on you to keep that contact open. No it's not fair. Get used to it. I'm very sorry you are here with us but this is a great group of people who will help any way they can.
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
