Overseas Affair

[2gthrButApart]

Can't bust an affair overseas so now what? I think I'll just give up. I have my proof. But couldn't save it bc it's on his locked phone. I think I'll just use this as my closure n since he's still denying it I think I should file. He's met with a L but I haven't received anything. If I file can I still get a good settlement since I basically can't bust this affair?

[2gthrButApart]

Ugh. It's too expensive to file. I'm almost 8 mths pregnant and 100% alone.

[2gthrButApart]

From the few msgs I was able to read before he snatched the phone, he's pursuing her. Asking her if they're still a couple. Telling her he loves her needs her wants her. Said she's his air, his love, his life. He makes sure to visit her 8 wks a yr. Lies & says he's visiting family.

[Allen A]

Talk to Piano.. she was in teh EXACT SAME SITUATION

[Piano]

You are feeling panicky for good reason; it is devastating to be abandonned by someone you love, but even more so when you are pregnant with their child. This is a time when you need your spouse more than ever so it heightens the pain of being left, makes you crave what you have lost even more, and makes your need to 'fix' things very intense.

All that spells trouble. For you.

Best thing is to LET GO.

If your H is overseas and there is OW, it is better to accept the cold hard facts of the situation, trust that you can and will handle it, and that it is HIS loss. HIS. HIS. HIS.

The audacity of a man leaving his pregnant wife -- well, it's just overhwelming and it can really hurt your self esteeem. Don't let it. You are worth more. Your children are worth more. You will be OK. That baby is going to give you strength.

I recommend you read 'The Journey from Abandonment to Healing' by Susan Anderson. It's really helping me deal with my loss.

[Piano]

Question: Who is helping you with your children and who will be at the birth?

[Allen A]

THANK you PIANO!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

[2gthrButApart]

He wants to be at the birth. He lives about 2 hrs away from me in our home town. OW is overseas where he visits her 2-4x a yr. He's going to spend 15 days there next month. I'm trying to go dark as much as possible until the baby is born.

He helps with the kids when he's around Fri-Sun night. Supposedly he wants to also spend Mon night with them here. Bc he lives so far he spends the winds here to be with them.

My motherbwill be at the birth since I can't count on him making it. I have zero trust in him now.

[Piano]

Go dark.

Count on your mum.

You do not want him at the birth.

My DB coach recommended I say casually if he asks to be there or when can he meet the baby : "I'll be busy that day (day of birth), so why don't you come and meet the baby the day after when we're ready and more settled? I'll have someone text you".

I DIDN'T say this to my WH b/c I was still trying to get him to come back to me... but I should have. It would have shown more self respect.

Having him there would only bring his mess into your life...and the birth is a special moment... don't let him ruin that too.

Just what I think.

[2gthrButApart]

I can't go completely dark bc he's paying the household expenses until after I give birth. I spoke to my midwife today and she prescribed me Zoloft. Ive lost another 5 lbs in 2 wks and wake up at all
hours of the night in a panic. I've been waking up nauseous and throwing up a little bit of blood since I discovered his affair Saturday night. He's leaving next month for 14 days to be with her and its killing me. I keep picturing them being physical and it's eating me alive. Of course he wouldn't care, he's leaving when I'm 9 months. He's in love. She won and I lost. My marriage is over. Theres no way to bust it to take the fun out of it. If I bring it up he gets extremely angry. What other options do I have? I believe they've been together at least a yr, could be longer. He has no remorse. He says we aren't together so he's not doing anything wrong. He said he told me 2 yrs ago he wanted out and I should have let him have his divorce. He says had I not checked his phone I wouldn't have known a thing. He feels he didn't have to tell me bc we are separated so its none of my business.

I'm lost.