Questions for the Letting Go Vets

[Khudoo]

Hi All,
Just wanted to set up a separate thread for this as I believe the lead up to this is less important than some specifics on how to handle it.

First question

If she sends an email that asks a question but it's purpose seems to be just to start an argument or email war how do I respond.

i.e "Who gave you permission to do that" ( it was a small thing regarding using a joint asset that she regards as hers so i didn't need her permission )

1. No response.
2. Cold clinical answer to her question with no emotion attached.
3. Upbeat and friendly email with the question answered.


Khudoo

[DanF]

I'd say you should go with #3, but I'm not sure I would be able to do that myself.

I'd probably respond emotionally with some sarcastic comment that blows the whole thing up. Don't do that!!

Don't let her bait you into a fight either.

Good luck.

[NotFromThesePart]

I agree with DanF. If you can make it upbeat and funny. Great. Keep it short.

You don't need to answer everything if you don't want to, but when there is a possibility that she will use the silence against you, I think you should answer.

Also, remebder that you don't have to answer the question she asked.

Q: Who gave you permission to spend my money?
A: I bought a bass boat.

Q: Why do you have to be so pigheaded?
A: I will talk with you about anything you like.

Q: Do you think it is easy for me?
A: I won't live in an open marrige.

[Khudoo]

After some thought and considering advice above I am thinking the "no response" option. Sometimes when i send her emails that i THINK require an answer or explanation she never responds so this may be the time to adopt the same strategy.

WAW's have a lot on us on how to detach so maybe we should mirror their behavior when it's time for us to get on the train.

:-)


Khudoo

[Ready2Change]

i.e "Who gave you permission to do that" ( it was a small thing regarding using a joint asset that she regards as hers so i didn't need her permission )

"The Dishwasher police."

[DanF]

i.e "Who gave you permission to do that" ( it was a small thing regarding using a joint asset that she regards as hers so i didn't need her permission )

"The Dishwasher police."

Is sarcastic smartass really the way to go? If so, I should be a pro at this already!

When I was packing to move, my W took my kids away for the weekend so that they wouldn't have to see me moving. It would be easier for them. She has told me numerous times that all she wants is to be happy, so as she left, I waved and told her to "Have a happy life!" She just scowled at me.

[Serenity13]

Khudoo ~

If she sends an email that asks a question but it's purpose seems to be just to start an argument or email war how do I respond.

If you know it is going to start an argument or an email war I vote don't respond.

However the only way you can truly "know" that is by mindreading and you shouldn't be doing that either.

Finances and children...Those are the only times I respond to my H and that is only when I deem it necessary, not when he says so.


(((Hugs)))

[Ready2Change]

i.e "Who gave you permission to do that" ( it was a small thing regarding using a joint asset that she regards as hers so i didn't need her permission )

"The Dishwasher police."

Is sarcastic smartass really the way to go? If so, I should be a pro at this already!

Just one option. Kinda an inside joke....MsR2C was upset that I was helping load the dishwasher (the wrong way)...Another DBer stated that there are no dishwasher police....

Other choices:

I feel this is the best - Do not respond if you feel it will start a fight.

Next best -- Light humor with a smile and the right tone with confidence if done in person

"I did"

"Sounds like you have an issue with me using my things"

"I don't need permission to use our family belongings"

"GOD did"

"Did you"

"I am not discussing this with you"

[Vulcanized]

Hi All,
Just wanted to set up a separate thread for this as I believe the lead up to this is less important than some specifics on how to handle it.

First question

If she sends an email that asks a question but it's purpose seems to be just to start an argument or email war how do I respond.

i.e "Who gave you permission to do that" ( it was a small thing regarding using a joint asset that she regards as hers so i didn't need her permission )

1. No response.
2. Cold clinical answer to her question with no emotion attached.
3. Upbeat and friendly email with the question answered.


Khudoo

Dead silence is the correct answer.

[hurtinhartford]

Khudoo,

I agree. My W's b-day is on Friday. I was going to send an email telling her HB, but then I thought I let her go so I should not say anything. Most of the people on the site suggested I send a simple email....I am still on the fence.