"children are resilient" is a lie to justify their actions.
Is this tongue-and-cheek?
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
"children are resilient" is a lie to justify their actions.
Agree with this^^^^^
I agree 100% but I don't think the original poster mint it like that.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
I think you can take R2C at face value. Read his post right after my first one on this thread. He doesn't seem to be mincing words on this issue (or any other for that matter).
Cheers,
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
In my sitch, my W involved my D with the EA. She talked to her like her best friend.
Now since we are back together, D shows resentment. She does all sorts of little things to try and set me off or try to split us up, which isn't working. I do though am tired of it. I find it worse than exposing the EA. I really cannot get rid of my daughter to get this to work out. W says this is just normal teenage behavior, which I see no lashing out from D to her.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
My kids are the primary reason I haven't jumped ship yet. I know it might not be right but if I can focus on them, that's reason enough to keep pushing through to fix my M. Yes I know if the worst happens that I will do everything to ease them through it but if I can do anything to keep them from having to go through it I will try.
Doodi
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
My kids are the primary reason I haven't jumped ship yet. I know it might not be right but if I can focus on them, that's reason enough to keep pushing through to fix my M. Yes I know if the worst happens that I will do everything to ease them through it but if I can do anything to keep them from having to go through it I will try.
Doodi
Here's where I think consideration of the children should come in. When spouses get to "this point," they often don't "feel" like doing the work. Frankly, I'm finding myself at that point now. That's where reason should come in if the pluses of the relationship exceed the minuses and the issues are not objectively insurmountable. However, we place an extraordinary amount of weight on whatever we are CURRENTLY feeling (learned optimism notwithstanding) and some cannot reason past the negative feelings that are often cultivated as a defense mechanism to the pain in the relationship.
If the relationship is long term, not destructive, and involves children, there is nothing wrong with doing the work on the marriage because of your feelings for the children, even if you do not feel it for yourself as long as your doing the work for the children, not staying for the children.
Did I make the distinction clear enough? You do the work on the marriage for the children that you might not do just for yourself because reason tells you it's the right thing to do and your feelings for your children help you overcome the feelings that prevents you from working on the relationship. It's not that you stay in a bad R because of the children.
Absolutely. I'm not staying because of them, they just are just that added motivation when I start to buckle under the strain. I am working on this because there is a glimmer of hope for us. I may feel like jumping ship on most days but I want to make sure I can honestly look my kids and say I gave it everything and then some.
If I give it my all and it still doesn't work out, then I'll turn all that energy into helping them through whatever comes next.
Make sense, Doodi
Last edited by Doodi; 09/15/1002:18 PM.
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
Absolutely. I'm not staying because of them, they just are just that added motivation when I start to buckle under the strain. I am working on this because there is a glimmer of hope for us. I may feel like jumping ship on most days but I want to make sure I can honestly look my kids and say I gave it everything and then some.
If I give it my all and it still doesn't work out, then I'll turn all that energy into helping them through whatever comes next.
Make sense, Doodi
It makes complete sense and I think this is the piece that those without children may not get.
R2C do you have any of the articles on divorce and children. I'm intrested in reading the effects on children.
thank you
me 36 W 33 s-6 s-4 together since 1991 married Dec 2000 9years first affair before we where married. Second affair 1/2007 Gone Nov,2007 Back June 2008. ILYBNILY---i cannot believe you did this 7/22/2010
