Dont really know the point of this post but I really felt compelled to write something down.
Setting them free is probably the easiest thing to do as it just boils down to doing nothing but the most difficult thing emotionally. That is why people give it lip service but dont really do it.
When your best friend and companion for years walks it just affects so many things. 9 years of photo's that it hurts to look at. Memories of your favorite places that you now associate with her.
I never really lost a true friend before but then again I am even questioning that.
We were due to go on a vacation together in the winter and now I am still going but taking another woman. I know I prob shouldn't if i am to be true to Db but I need some female companionship and she is an old GF that understands the sitch so everything is upfront. Pretty sure we will sleep together but whats the diff as the W is already doing it
I have a great and active life but it just has a huge void where she used to be. I still hang out with all our friends just she is missing. No moping just missing.
I am still in a "little contact" state with my W even though we still live in same house and consider her gone and "act as if". I am making no effort to save the M as I think it is unsalvageable and everything I tried has already backfired on me. I read about all the little things other people on this site talk about with and find encouragement with their estranged spouses but all I get is silence.
One thing for sure is that the WAW's are better at detaching than the LBS. She thinks or knows I am done and recently remarked on that. I just replied that I have no interest in holding on to someone who doesn't want to be here so whats the point.
In my head she is gone but in my heart I want her to stay but realize that is not possible. Do we ever REALLY detach before we hook up with someone else. Detaching for me would be when I can see her with OM and shake his hand when we are introduced and am def not in that state yet.
This sucks , I KNOW it will get better but it still sucks.
Khud I am in the same boat and have the exact same questions, that I don't know the answers to. I know one thing is for sure I read other post and wish I was getting some of the encouragement that other people are getting but, my stbexw may be confused about a lot of things but I am not one of them.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
Your wife is very likely to respond to what you're doing, and ask back in. You'd be wise to consider AHEAD of time, how you're going to respond.
Puppy
Puppy, Strange thing is one of her friends asked me the same thing regarding would I take her back and my honest answer was I dont know. She prefaced it by saying that she didn't know anything new and was just asking the question and I DO believe her.
Personally I think it is very unlikely that my W will want to come back but who really knows. I have been giving my response a lot of thought but think this is more a part of the healing process for me. Earlier on I would have given her a free passage back into my life but things have changed and i don't think so anymore.
She would have to battle her way though the protective walls I now have up and that I don't really see.
I don't see any obligation right now to stay faithful to her as she has set the stage on that one. The thing on the vacation is that we will still be in the same house when that happens. She wont be a happy camper when I am packing for that.
Anyway I am leading my life with the assumption that she is gone and will continue down that path until I have cause to consider something else. Still very sad for me but I need to get on with my life and that includes female companionship.
BUT I do like your optimism ( it seems like the more convinced I am that all is lost the more you think the opposite :-) )...............thanks
