I mean, do they remember all the lies they told, all the hurt and pain they've caused? If an affair or MLC changes them temporarily, when they "wake up", or start dealing with reality again, do they remember it all? It's my hopefulness coming out I think. I try not to be too hopeful, but think a little bit doesn't hurt. Just asking.
Me; 52 H; 54 M 25 S 22 Bomb drop 6/14/2010 S 7/9/10 H filed 9/7
I wish I could tell you but sadly I will never find out. I have wondered the same thing. If mine ever did want to come back she would have to remember them and make it right before she could come back. At least that's what I think today.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
I mean, do they remember all the lies they told, all the hurt and pain they've caused? If an affair or MLC changes them temporarily, when they "wake up", or start dealing with reality again, do they remember it all? It's my hopefulness coming out I think. I try not to be too hopeful, but think a little bit doesn't hurt. Just asking.
I can't tell you yet either, but I don't think it's a "wake up". They're not asleep. It's more of a process than a sudden revelation.
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
I mean, do they remember all the lies they told, all the hurt and pain they've caused? If an affair or MLC changes them temporarily, when they "wake up", or start dealing with reality again, do they remember it all? It's my hopefulness coming out I think. I try not to be too hopeful, but think a little bit doesn't hurt. Just asking.
From my experience, yes, they remember. However, I don't think they can ever really understand the pain they caused. The hard part is trying to balance working on your M and letting your spouse know how hurt you were/are. At first my H was very apologetic. Then it died down and I was left wondering "Does he really think it's all okay now?" I've learned thru MC the guilt he has, the low opinion he has of himself and the hurt he feels knowing what he has done to his family.
One thing though. Although H remembers what happened, he can not explain "why" he did it. He still gives me an "I don't know what I was thinking." It is a bit frustrating at times...and a bit scary.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
W threatened to leave before when she had an EA 1 year into M. She recommitted to the M. She said sorry she did it at first, but it wasn't until about 1 year later that she looked me in the eye out of nowhere one night and said that she was very sorry that she hurt me by having the EA, she couldn't imagine the pain it did to me, and that she wanted me to know that she would never would do that or hurt me like that again. At that point I felt her remorse, not before.
It is a process for them. They don't wake up one day and feel terrible about the things they did. It slowly eats away at them and then one day they feel the need to release the guilt.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
It is a process for them. They don't wake up one day and feel terrible about the things they did. It slowly eats away at them and then one day they feel the need to release the guilt.
Exactly correct John. When H first moved back in, he was still lying to me but I didn't know it. It wasn't until he admitted he slept with the OW that we finally were able to really work on our M. The confession was a sort of relief for both of us. For me, because he finally told the truth. However, I will say the moment he told me was gut wrenching.
Me: 39 H: 39 S: 15 M: 18 years Bomb: 6/3/09 H moved out: 10/15/09 H moved back:5/30/10
It is a process for them. They don't wake up one day and feel terrible about the things they did. It slowly eats away at them and then one day they feel the need to release the guilt.
That is how my W sort of came around to me. We were having a talk about M and she just came out why she did the EA and how she was sorry. It didnt take as long to come out.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
