Had to meet the W tonight to give her our DD's bag. I was all smiles and chipper. She, on the other hand, did not appear to be as happy as she seems to say her life is now. She didn't crack a smile. We chatted about nothing much and then left. She looked at me kinda puzzled best I could tell. I pulled up beside her at the red light and honked, she rolled down the window and I challenged her to a race. She didn't want to but I made her smile. That's the old me and I'm hoping that it made a little dent in the wall she has up.
On a side note though, I've discovered that she and the OM have deleted their facebook pages. I can only imagine that this was out of paranoia of me getting something from it. Don't know, don't really care in the grand scheme of things. Just find it interesting.
me 37 wife 31 d5,sd9 T8 M7
"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of the dream"
Had to meet the W tonight to give her our DD's bag. I was all smiles and chipper. She, on the other hand, did not appear to be as happy as she seems to say her life is now. She didn't crack a smile. We chatted about nothing much and then left. She looked at me kinda puzzled best I could tell. I pulled up beside her at the red light and honked, she rolled down the window and I challenged her to a race. She didn't want to but I made her smile. That's the old me and I'm hoping that it made a little dent in the wall she has up.
That was PERFECT. Hard boundaries drawn, coupled with this kind of random upbeat "playfulness," is the tone you want to strike.
On a side note though, I've discovered that she and the OM have deleted their facebook pages. I can only imagine that this was out of paranoia of me getting something from it. Don't know, don't really care in the grand scheme of things. Just find it interesting.
Yep, I agree. They've pushed things underground. Script.
Yeah! Puppy, I know what's up with the facebook crap. I also know that she has a lawyer and is planning on filing on something trumped up! In, our state I'm not happy doesn't get a divorce unless both agree and she would have to prove me to be a monster to get a judge to grant it without my signature according to the lawyers I've spoken with.
Anyway, I'm trying really hard to stay in my faith that God is at work and that he will convict her of her wrongs. Found out she's telling people that she won't come home because my SD made her promise to never come back because I'm terrible and she's so happy that mommy left. Our 5 y/o DD on the other hand prays every night that mommy come home. All of her excuses are to justify her wrong doing and it will all come out at some point.( that which is in the dark will eventually be brought in to the light)
On a good note, we did have a real conversation this morning face to face. Well I say face to face, the fact is that she won't or rather can't seem to look me in the eye. Early in the talk she told me that she needed to swing by the house and get her Bible. This is a good note to me because if she does dig into the word she will most certainly find conviction because God's word is that he hates divorce and if there is adultery going on it will show her the truth about that too.
It's a long weekend and she is kid free, so she will either get some alone time and have a chance to really think about things or she will make several mistakes that will eventually fill her with guilt. Either way, I'm going out of town to see some old band mates and have one of em's girlfriend give me a new tattoo. GAL is all I can do at the moment and by God that's the plan.
me 37 wife 31 d5,sd9 T8 M7
"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of the dream"
Well, I've taken a few days to gather thoughts and clear my brain. A few interesting things have happened in the last few days. She has gone up and down several times in her attitude towards me depending on whether or not she needs something.
This afternoon however she finally decided to tell me why she now wants a divorce and it seems she has settled on the idea that, even though I have for 8 years done everything i can to be the best father I can to my step daughter, she can no longer expose her to me. She is claiming that the child hates me and has for years and that she should've left me years ago.
I have always treated this child as my own and I look at her no different than the one we share together. The W is claiming that i have mentally abused her baby for all these years and that she promised her to never make her live with me again. I will also add that my SD always picked me to go on field trips and was with me at church 2 days before the W left hugged up on me telling me how much she loved me and going up front to talk to the pastor with me.
This is all crazy but it does make me worry that she might try to use this to get the divorce. The only reason it concerns me is because we have the other daughter and she might try for full custody.
This does not mean that I have accepted defeat or that I'm gonna give in to her but it does make things more difficult. She also informed me that the only way she would sign the loan modification to save the house is if I signed her divorce papers. She wants out so bad that she is making up bogus reasons and trying to black mail me into it.
I told her that if that is the real reason, that I didn't realize it and that every time the issue of the SD came up in our mariage I have done everything I could to try to change things. I can admit that I have made mistakes as a parent and husband over the years but I have constantly adjusted and changed for the better as I learned how to be a father/husband.
I also told her that I was willing to do anything to fix it and that we could all go to counseling because I love my SD and do not want her to hate anyone especially not me. I told her she didn't have to come home right away but to just give it time and let us see if we could make any progress before going through with a divorce. She told me that it couldn't be fixed and that i needed to give her the divorce.
She then proceeded to threaten me by saying that if this divorce cost her more than the 2500 dollar retainer that I would be paying for it.
She did not leave that night to protect our SD. She left because I wouldn't let her drive away in the middle of the night presumably to meet the OM. If it was to protect one child, why would she leave the other smaller child with me when she left.
I have been trying not to play dirty or dig up anything because I am trying to stand on God's word that he can reconcile this however I don't want to be niave or let her try to hurt our DD in the process of these lies she is trying to say. I have been told not to waste money on an attourney until i am served with papers, but I don't want to get caught with my pants down in this fight.
me 37 wife 31 d5,sd9 T8 M7
"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of the dream"
I'm not sure what you are trying to accomplish. Even if you can prevent the divorce, you can't make her love you and certainly not by forcing her to say married. If you've spent any time on this site and done the necessary reading you should know that the only chance you have to turn her around is to let her go and hope she comes full circle by herself. In the meantime, you need to work on yourself and start detaching.
We all know how hard this is, but it is the best way.
This is all crazy but it does make me worry that she might try to use this to get the divorce. The only reason it concerns me is because we have the other daughter and she might try for full custody. . . .
. . . She also informed me that the only way she would sign the loan modification to save the house is if I signed her divorce papers. She wants out so bad that she is making up bogus reasons and trying to black mail me into it.
I told her that if that is the real reason, that I didn't realize it and that every time the issue of the SD came up in our mariage I have done everything I could to try to change things. I can admit that I have made mistakes as a parent and husband over the years but I have constantly adjusted and changed for the better as I learned how to be a father/husband.
. . .She told me that it couldn't be fixed and that i needed to give her the divorce...
. . . She then proceeded to threaten me by saying that if this divorce cost her more than the 2500 dollar retainer that I would be paying for it. . . I have been trying not to play dirty or dig up anything because I am trying to stand on God's word that he can reconcile this however I don't want to be niave or let her try to hurt our DD in the process of these lies she is trying to say. I have been told not to waste money on an attourney until i am served with papers, but I don't want to get caught with my pants down in this fight.
Schmill,
Please try to re-read what I've pulled out of your post, above, and try to read it as a disapassionate observer, if you can. Say your brother wrote it, or your cousin, or a good friend. How would you advise them?
God doesn't believe in "playing Offense" when it comes to divorce. But He darn sure understands playing Defense. You need to protect yourself -- NOW. Get the baddest-ass, men's rights/paternal custody family law attorney you can find and afford, and PROTECT YOU AND YOUR CHILD. Personally, I think you should go for custody of your stepdaughter, too, but that's for you to decide.
Take her lightly, and she'll eviscerate you. She is Iran, and she's TELLING you what she's going to do to you, Israel. Underestimate her at your peril.
