So, here's my story! Wife wanted to walk away year and a half ago. She never left and things turned around. We had what seemed to be one of the best years of our marriage. A few months ago she really started in on me about not wanting more kids and that I should get a vasectomy. I told her I didn't like the idea because, even though i was fine with not having anymore, I didn't want a fairly permanent solution. I mean in 7 years of marriage we only have one child together and she was on purpose. About 2 months ago she informed me that she spoke to her ob/gyn about getting her tubes tied. I told her that I didn't really think that was the best thing but if that's what she wanted then I would support her. she said great and that she loved me for supporting her in her decision, however as the procedure got closer she seemed to really start to resent me and think that I wasn't really supporting her because I didn't think it was the best solution. I told her that i didn't have to agree with her to support her and that I was behind her one hundred percent. In preparation for the procedure her doctor put her on hormones to get ready for it. She started getting a little extra irritable but I didn't really think that it was a big deal. Let me backtrack for a second and reveal that we were under a lot of stress due to finances and she is a hair stylist trying build up her clients and dealing with what to do with the kids during the summer months. Anyway, the week of the surgery I must admit that i was a jerk and asked if she had any clients booked after the surgery. I wasn't trying to be a jerk but I guess the stress of money got to me. I immediately apologized and asked for forgiveness. She went through the surgery and I tried my best to baby and take care of her to show her how much I loved her. Everything seemed fine and life went on as usual. That Sunday I decided it was time to get back to church and we went. She posted on fb that day what wonders God did for her soul. We went that afternoon to pick up my stepdaughter from her dad and had a conversation in which I said that I was sorry that I hadn't been a better spiritual leader but that i was gonna do better(of course she had heard this promise before). She made the comment that she didn't want to discuss it with me and i could tell by the way she spoke to me that something was wrong. We got home that day and that night she slept in the other room with the sd. I didn't think that much about it because the sd had been gone a few days. The next night she slept in the chair in the living room and did the same for several days. Thursday of that week she sent me a message saying her girlfriend wanted to hang and watch a movie and responded sure, whatever because I was busy at work. She immediately responded all huffy with "that's exactly the kind of response that I expected." I informed her that i wasn't having an attitude I was just busy and that sure, whatever meant i was completely ok with it(one of many reasons I don't like texting, it's easy to misread someone's intent). It was just me and our youngest that night and I informed her that she had mentioned that she wanted to sleep with us both tonight. She came home that night and slept in the bed with me and our child and I told her the next day how great it was to have her back in our bed. The very next night we went to some friends that live near us and were hanging out and having a few beers. The whole time we were there she was glued to her phone, texting like crazy. She then told us all about this client that had been crying on her shoulder all day about her ex and that she really felt sorry for her. When it was time to leave, she said that she was going to have to go pick this girl up from the bar she was at. I told her that I wasn't ok with that because she had a few beers in her. When we went to leave she jumped in the drivers seat and since we lived around the corner and I knew she wasn't drunk I just didn't argue and let her drive us home. On the way we stopped by the gas station and i filled up the truck. She just kept telling me how much she felt she had to go get this girl. When we got home she let the children go inside and left the car running. I knew what was about to be said, so I took the keys out of the ignition and told her that I was sorry but I couldn't let her drive across town in the middle of the night. She began cursing and pushing me and our youngest came out and saw it. I scooped up our d and went inside. The wife followed and an argument started in which I told her I had a responsibility to the family and to my wife to not let her go driving across town after drinking. She immediately jumped in my face and said "don't worry because I am your wife no more." I told her that if she was gonna act that way she need to gather a few things and get her mom to come get her till she cooled down and that the kids and I were staying there. She quickly informed me that the child I have been raising for 8 years( our oldest my sd) wasn't mine and that I had no say so in her staying there(did I mention that the sd was standing right beside her when she said this). So , I took our youngest to the other room to calm her down. When I came back out the W was outside sitting in or truck and said she had called a friend to come get the two of them. We exchanged words(she was recording it) and I then begged her not to leave. She grabbed our sd and started walking down the street as I tried to convince her to stay. I didn't follow because it was only making her worse,so I let her go. It seems that she had already decided she wanted out and that was her opportunity. She has not come back since(this was a month ago yesterday). She will not speak to me about anything other than the child we share and the fact that she wants a divorce. She is living in a borrowed condo, driving a borrowed car, has no substantial income. We are sharing time with our d and it is really affecting her. She's 5 and only wants mommy to come home so that her family can be together. The W says she's only 5and will adjust. Found out about mommies "friend" through my d. When i realized who he was I confronted him by phone and he was very defensive. When I confronted her she said that he had helped her fix something on her car she was borrowing. We have known this guy for years but had only reconnected with him a few weeks earlier at a gig I was playing. I fully believe that he contacted her through fb and started getting into her head. there is or was at least and EA but I have no idea about possible PA. He called me after I called them out on some info that came my way and informed me that he was ending the friendship because he didn't want to come between my wife and I(obviously he thought I would be dumb enough to buy that). My daughter has informed me that mommy got another phone. She obviously wanted to keep me from knowing who she was talking to. Anyway, that's it for the most part. I've been on this sight for a while and have been reading other people's stories and the advice that was given. After 2 weeks of trying to talk to her I decided to cut contact other than about our child. I'm a musician and play fairly regularly and have some great friends so the GAL part is going pretty well. She is trying to justify divorce with complete nonsense,even told me the bible says that if you harden your heart against your spouse you should leave. I know the bible and that's not in there. I do not want a divorce and in our state she really has no grounds for one. She says that if I don't give her one it's just because I want to trap her. I'm a Christian and do not believe in divorce for any reason, not even adultery. I can forgive her for whatever has gone on. If it weren't for God I would be losing it pretty bad right now and still have my breakdown moments. I've read DR and have a good idea of what to do but any advice,especially good Christian oriented advice, would be greatly appreciated. Sorry so long. Thanks
me 37 wife 31 d5,sd9 T8 M7
"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of the dream"
I'm sorry you are hurting, and for what's going on in your family. After reading just the first 1/3rd or so of your sitch (I was going to say "the first few paragraphs, but you didn't USE any paragraph breaks, lol -- you may want to do that, as it'll make a long post like this much easier to read, and you'll get better response), I could smell an affair from a mile away. In fact, from the third or fourth sentence (about wanting you to get a vasectomy).
It's extremely likely that OM is who she was texting with at your friends' house, and who she wanted to go see, and when you took the keys from her, she whigged out far more than she would have than if it were truly just a female friend who she wanted to console.
This is the general advice I give to newcomers here, when they have a sitch such as yours:
"Puppy's Short Version, All-Inclusive Advice" for Waylayed Spouses Who Just Got Bombed"
1. Get proof (of whether or not there's OM/OW). Hint: There almost always is.
2. Do either:
2a. Aggressive affair-busting (see Allen A's posts over in Infidelity)
Those are the only two things I've seen work. If #1 turns up nothing, then proceed to #2b. And in the meantime, GAL your ass off, and become the better option. Best case, you'll attract them back, and at a minimum you'll become a better person that will be more attractive to SOMEBODY in your next relationship.
Puppy
Since you've already got ample confirmation that there is an affair going on here, your only real choice is "2a" vs. "2b." I'd suggest you follow the links provided, and see which seems more authentic to you, based upon your beliefs and values. I am a Christian too, but God DOES allow divorce in cases of adultery, and would certainly understand your doing the "letting her go" thing if that's what you had to do to protect yourself and your kids, I believe.
Sorry you are here Schmill. You will find good people here to help you.
Have you exposed the affair to anyone? Some of the vets here are proponents of exposing the affair. If that doesn't work, maybe the best you can do is let her go to think about things and make a decision. She knows where you stand and continuing to pursue her and trying to get her to change her mind isn't going to work.
Are there specific things that she was complaining about prior to her blow-up that she would like to see you change about yourself. Are there things YOU would like to change or do differently?
Here are some things to do and not do. Good luck and keep us informed as to your situation.
1.Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore! This turns the spouse completely off! 2. No frequent phone calls to spouse.......let him/her be the one to call you. Then don't try to hang on to your spouse through conversation.....instead, you say good-bye first. 3. Do not point out good points in marriage or try to get him/her to read marriage books, look at your M pictures, etc. Especially, do not get him/her to read the DB/DR book. That is for you only! 4. Do not follow your spouse around the house like a puppy dog trying to get his/her time and attention. 5. Do not encourage talk about the future. They don't want to think about a future with you at the moment, so stay clear of that subject. 6. Do not ask for help from family members or friends. Don't discuss private matters with them that would upset your spouse. 7. Do not ask for reassurances (That is showing neediness and being clingy.) Show self-respect and self confidence. 8. Do not buy gifts to make "brownie points". (Can't buy his/her love and affection.) 9. Do not schedule dates together at this point. (That is pursuing.) Save for later when the R is much better. 10.Do not spy on spouse by checking emails, phone bills, etc. (Not good for you and will make matters worse.) 11.Do not say "I Love You" (It is being "pushy" and trying to make your spouse say it back to you......he/she will despise you for it.) 12.Act "as if" you are moving on with your life with or without them and that you are going to be okay. Keep a good attitude. 13.Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive at all times! In other words, be the best you can be and look the best you can look at all times. Even when wearing jeans and T-shirt, wear good cologne, b/c it does cause the spouse to take notice. 14.Don't sit around waiting on your spouse to see what kind of mood he/she is in or what he/she is going to do or say – get busy, think of things to do. Go to church, go out with friends, etc. in order to get a life for yourself without waiting on your wife/husband.....but it is okay to invite them, just don't act as if it will change your plans if they do or don't go. 15.When at home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation---then don't, wait for him/her) then, be rather scarce or with your words, but don't sound rude or too short like you are mad. If your spouse asks what's wrong....just say "nothing" and have a pleasant expression on your face. Keep it short and simple. Don't get into an argument! Stay polite and don’ t act like you are pouting. Use poise and class. This does not mean to act like you aren’t speaking, but don’t be overly talkative. 16.If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK THEM NOTHING!! No matter what time he/she comes home! You are giving them space and asking no questions! You enjoy your time with your kids, friends, etc. Remember, you are getting a life, also. 17.You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse. 18.Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he/she will be missing. (But never ask him/her if he/she has noticed any changes!!) This is important! If you do, then you have blown it. 19.No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. This can confuse some of them b/c it is not what they expected. Show your spouse someone he/she would want to be around all the time, somebody that can be attractive and fun to be with. That somebody is you! Don't overkill in your attempts to outshine another person your spouse may be having an A with (if there is OP in the picture) to the point of looking like your attempts are "fake" b/c your spouse will see through all of that. 20.All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while)so this takes patient on your behalf. 21.Never lose your cool! Don't let your spouse trap you into a fight. Don't take her/his bait.....leave the room or the house for a while, if you have to, in order to avoid a fight. 22.Don't be overly enthusiastic, don't over-kill; in anything you do b/c it will come across as fake. 23.Do not argue about how your spouse feels about something (it only makes his/her feelings more negative.) Only they know how they feel! 24.Be patient......very, very patient. Give your spouse space and time. When you pull back, it will draw them towards you. It feels opposite of what you want to do, but it works! 25.Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. Look them in the eyes when they talk to you. Do not interrupt them when they are speaking and stop what you may be working on to look at them when they talk. This shows them that you really care about what they are saying. 26.Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out (or scream and yell). 27.Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil). This is for your health's sake. 28.Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly. Read self help books, inspirational books or listen to tapes. They are for you only. 29.Know that if you can do 180's, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write. 30.Do not be openly show that you are "desperate" or "needy" even when you are hurting more than ever and truly feel desperate and needy. This is a large turn-off for your spouse. 31.Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse, instead, focus on them. 32.Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he/she is hurting and scared. 33.Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. 34.Do not ask your spouse if he/she has noticed your changes. Those changes are for you and for the rest of your life...with or without your spouse. If it is just to get your spouse back...they won't last and the same problems will return. 35.Do not send several TM's or emails throughout the day unless absolutely necessary. 36. It is best to stay away from the bar scenes where other problems easily arise. 37. Do not backslide from your hard earned changes.
The book I would recommend that you read is "Love Must be Tough," by James Dobson. It's the best from the Christian perspective that you're seeking.
Beyond that, anything by Harley, Phil McGraw, Penny Tupy or Janis Spring is excellent, but you're going to need to read MWD's "Divorce Busting" or Divorce Remedy" (most think DR is a little bit better, and they're largely the same book), as many of the techniques you're going to read on this site ("180", "GAL," "LRT," etc., are from the books). I don't think that infidelity is particularly her strong suit, but you can apply the DB/DR principles in tandem with the affair-busting stuff, as I did.
Thanks for the advice. Puppy, I do know that adultery is the only real biblical way to allow divorce but I also know that God has forgiven me for every sin I have ever committed and ever will. Therefore, I believe for me to love my wife the way Christ loves the church, i need to forgive her the way he would.
That being said, yes I do very much believe that there is an emotional if not already physical relationship going on and no I'm not o.k. with it. She even went as far as getting another phone for fear that I was keeping up with her phone calls and messages. I have no desire to be a doormat but am having trouble with what approach I need to take.
I have read DR and I have, but have yet to read, DB. I'm currently reading Hold on to Your N.U.T.S. I actually have been doing pretty good with going dark. I only contact her about the kids and whenever we do have a conversation at all, i try to be the one that ends it all the while laughing and being as happy sounding as possible.
I have seen some positive results from it. Yesterday morning I messaged her that I would be picking up or DD from school. She called me about an hour before my child had to be picked up to see if I was gonna be able to get there in time. The fact that she called rather than messaged seemed to me to be odd since she has pretty much taken the out of sight, out of mind approach with me since she left and usually will only text me. We actually had a nice talk about our daughter and work and what not. I know that's not a world changer but it did seem like a step in the right direction.
I'm just not sure the best approach on the A though. I feel like I'm letting go but do not want the divorce, so just saying to hell with you doesn't seem the right thing but I called her out on it immediately after she left and I learned about it and that did no good because she is angry and feels justified in what she's doing.
me 37 wife 31 d5,sd9 T8 M7
"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of the dream"
I also have a small sitch on the house. I arranged a loan modification to save it from forclosure because we had gotten behind. The problem is that she has to sign off on it because she is on the deed. At first, she agreed without hesitation and then, that afternoon, bailed out by saying her attourney advised her not to sign it. I'm not real sure what attourney on the planet thinks losing the house and having to split the debt after forclosure and auction is a good idea but that's what she's claiming. Any acvise on this sitch would be great.
me 37 wife 31 d5,sd9 T8 M7
"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of the dream"
If you want to try to bust the affair, and really fight for your marriage, I'd suggesting posting over on the Infidelity forum, and seeking out the advice of Allen A. He's excellent with the Dobson/Tupy/Harley/etc. approach.
If you want to do the "letting her go" thing, Gucci, Robx or Coach's counsel would be excellent. My own story -- and approach -- is outlined below.
Puppy
My timeline:
She squirmed and b*tched and moaned and screamed bloody murder at first, that I refused to sit down and talk to her. Eventually, over the course of a few weeks, as she saw that I was NOT going to be either bullied nor sweet-talked (and she tried both approaches) into sitting down and having an R talk with her, she eventually stopped trying.
I confronted my wife within 24 hours of having proof she was having an affair.
I exposed her affair within 24 hours to our adult daughters, and within two weeks to her family and her employer.
I re-confronted her on Day 60, and laid out a "No More Deceit" boundary, telling her "either you tell our daughters and your parents the truth about your relationship with (OM), or I will." I had evidence, and I told her she had five minutes to decide. Within two hours, she had told all four of them the truth -- that she wasn't "just friends" with OM, and that Puppy hadn't been lying when I told them she was having an affair.
About a week later (around Day 70), I filed for divorce, after my wife stubbornly refused to end her affair.
On Day 90, she ended her affair, and asked "what will it take?" to reconcile. I laid out my short-list of non-negotiable boundaries, and we reconciled.
There were several fits-and-starts after that, with the divorce initially being put on two 3-month "stays" before finally being withdrawn. We also separated for a couple of weeks about a year ago, and agreed to date other people, but that was short-lived, and after one "date" (drinks with a former co-worker) I agreed to move back in with her to work on our marriage. We did some MCing, still struggle with the SSM thing, but have remained great friends and partners ever since, and celebrated both our 25th wedding anniversary and the birth of our first granddaughter this Spring.
Interestingly, when my wife tearfully asked for reconciliation (and thereafter), she told me that although she HATED me at the time, and was LIVID with me for exposing her affair, she understood why I did it, RESPECTED me for it, and THANKED ME for fighting for our marriage!
Puppy
My Story:
I actually had two main confrontations with my wife. Initially, I had suspicions, based on the way she was acting and some of the things she was googling on the computer (I had a keylogger). Naturally, she denied it -- twice.
Then one night I was out of town, at my dad's 80th birthday party, and she stayed home with the kids. I got an e-mail on my BlackBerry from my keylogger, showing that she was searching "older woman/younger man" and "sexual positions" etc. on the home computer. I felt sick to my stomach, and like an ox was standing on my chest. I couldn't breathe, and I didn't know if I should tell my folks and my siblings, or try to keep it to myself.
I was up all night, distraught, and phoned my wife and confronted her around midnight. "You're up late," I said. "Yeah, I couldn't sleep," she replied. She sounded nervous. "What are you doing?" I asked, and she could tell something was wrong. "Just on the computer," she said. "What's wrong?"
(pause)
"Look, I know all about you and (OM's first name), and it needs to stop. Immediately. This is incredibly disrespectful to me, to our marriage, and to our family." She tried to deny it at first, but I persisted (without revealing my intel), saying "Please STOP IT. We both know you're lying to me right now, and it's horribly disrespectful. If you're going to lie to me, I'm just going to hang up."
She then SORT of told me the truth, denying that it had become physical (which I later found out was also a lie).
I exposed to our adult daughters that night, via a phone call. My D-then-18 already knew, as she had suspected something and her and her best friend had followed her mother one night a couple of weeks ago, and caught her coming out of a bar with the guy, and saw them get into a car together. The poor thing had been keeping this all to herself, because she didn't want to upset her daddy. She broke down on the phone and cried, and so did I.
I told both her and her sister (D-then-20) that I loved their mother very much, did NOT want a divorce, but I also wasn't going tolerate this kind of disrespect. I WOULD NOT LIVE IN AN OPEN MARRIAGE. They both said they understood, and respected my position. D18 wanted to confront OM that next day, and I talked her down, and told them both just to wait until I got back from my trip and we could discuss it as a family.
I also exposed to my parents and siblings the next morning, as I felt I needed their support. In the ensuing couple of weeks, I gave my wife repeated chances to end the affair -- she refused 5-6x -- and then I finally exposed to her parents, OM's parents (he lived with his parents!) and their employer, on whose premises the affair was partly taking place. Since the kid was also studying to become a cop, and was going thru the Academy, I found out that there was a "public review" process and I wrote a letter to his file, exposing their affair, and opposing his candidacy to become a police officer.
About 50 days in, I filed for divorce, after she repeatedly threatened to divorce ME. I felt I needed to protect myself, and decided to go for full custody of our boys.
Despite all of this, and my tightening the finances to stop paying for anything that was enabling her affair (cellphone, plastic surgery payment, haircoloring, etc.), her affair continued -- heated up -- for 60 days. I then RE-confronted her, with the "NO MORE DECEIT" confrontation (it's all in my old Chocolateeyes threads; Summer of 2007). This re-confrontation took place in her car, in a department store parking lot, when I told her one evening that "we need to talk." I had decided that while I may not be able to stop her from having an affair, I damned sure wasn't going to let her continue to LIE about it to her parents and to our adult daughters, and try to say that I was being "paranoid" and accusing HER, when everything I was claiming was 100% TRUE.
I told her at this meeting "you either tell them, or I will, and I will show them my evidence."
I gave her 5 minutes to decide.
She told them.
It took about another month before she fully ended it and begged me to take her back, but make no mistake -- that night was basically the beginning of the death of her affair. She had one backslide, about 2 weeks into no-contact/transparency, which she self-confessed, and we got thru it. After two 3-month "stays" of the divorce action, I finally withdrew it the following Spring.
We had fits and starts over the next couple of years, nearing divorce twice (even met with the mediator), ending with a mutually-agreed-upon separation this summer, where we would try to date each other, but each would date other people (she had initially INSISTED on this, and I initially said it was a DEALBREAKER. I then changed my mind, based mostly on Gucci's and Robx's stuff on here). Not two weeks into that arrangement, she called me in tears (I was on my one and only "date"), and long story short, I moved back in with her and we agreed to MC and we fully reconciled.
We've had some tough moments, but our marriage is stronger than it's ever been. The MC is fantastic (had been my wife's IC), holds our feet to the fire, and we're finally starting to deal with some of our sex-starved marriage issues and my wife's problems with intimacy. Turns out MWD's books (along with Harley, Glass and some of my other faves) were all over the MC's office! I knew I had found the right place for us. My wife and I are better friends than we have ever been, have ML more in the past 3 months than we had in the past six YEARS, and I'd say we are "Piecing" at this point, to use the DB phrase.
I hope that helps. That's an awfully long answer to a short question, but I thought I'd just put it all out there.
Puppy
I should add as a P.S.
Throughout all of these "tough stances," I maintained a "loving detachment" towards my wayward wife. Oh, we had our moments -- three or four real blow-ups -- but for the most part, we managed to keep things civil. I laid out some boundaries (no family finances used to enable your affair, no TMing or phoning OM from inside our home, no TMing or phoning OM in front of our sons, from ANYWHERE, if you're going to come home after 1am, don't bother coming home, etc.), and I must say, she respected them almost completely.
The "loving" part of "loving detachment" comes easier for you, trust me, when you maintain full intel ("snooping") and you hear and see the things that I heard and saw. But I did try to "shine a light back towards the marriage, even as I never wavered from my Main Boundary ("I will not live in an open marriage") and my sub-boundaries mentioned above. I would do occasional loving Acts of Service for my wife, such as pulling her car in the garage late at nite, or covering her with a blanket when she fell asleep on the couch, kissing her on the forehead, etc.
I believe that this "hybrid" approach -- aggressive confrontation & exposure, firm boundaries, cut off all financial enabling, strong legal stance; coupled with DBing principles such as GAL, "be the better option," 180s, etc. -- is what works best when there is active infidelity involved.
Reasonable people may disagree, but this is what worked for me, and this is also what I have seen work in my time on these boards, as well as my study of literally thousands of affairs.
Just a P.S., to update my sitch, and in the interest of full disclosure, Schmill:
We have fallen back into our old SSM (Sex-Starved Marriage) ways, and still struggling with that issue. In every other way we get along great, and I still wouldn't change a thing about the approach I took (other than perhaps the exposure to my own parents and siblings), but I wanted to be up front about that.
Thanks for the info puppy. I have decided that at this time I should try the letting go approach. I already exposed her a week after she left and it had no effect on her. I think that it will play out fairly quickly and I have small children that wouldn't understand, nor do I think that in the long run it would matter. I think her mom and best friend already know because they both refuse to talk to me. When we had trouble before they were both helpful and supportive but now they both "can't be involved."
I am not o.k. with an open marriage and I don't deserve to be treated the way that she is doing, but at the same time, it's hard, at this point at least, to see what she's doing as her. She's not being herself or making any rational decisions. It's like it's not my wife, rather it's some terrible alien in her or something. I see this as a spiritual battle and I'm trying to approach it as such.
I must admit that part of me does want to expose her to the world but the other part doesn't want the world looking at my wife as some terrible whore that ruined her marriage. Maybe in time I'll care less about that, don't know, but for now just gonna let her go to a degree(not planning on giving the divorce).
I'm struggling with a lot of things right now. Her, my faith, our house(if she doesn't sign paper work we may just lose it), the effects this is having on my 5 year old, the fact that my step daughter(that I've raised since she was one) has turned against me and just the loneliness in general. All of these things have me pulled in different directions and I don't want to make any rash moves at this point.
Thank you greatly for your advice and sharing your story. I hope you keep responding and all help is very welcome and appreciated, but at this time I don't feel the exposure route would do any good. I may get fed up sooner than later and have to use it but not yet.
Do you have any suggestions to get the attention of the people that you said were leaned more to the other approach? I would like to hear how there approach differed and what I might could do differently.
thanks
me 37 wife 31 d5,sd9 T8 M7
"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of the dream"
I am not o.k. with an open marriage and I don't deserve to be treated the way that she is doing, but at the same time, it's hard, at this point at least, to see what she's doing as her. She's not being herself or making any rational decisions. It's like it's not my wife, rather it's some terrible alien in her or something. I see this as a spiritual battle and I'm trying to approach it as such.
I'm not going to approach your sitch as I know how to help, but I do wish to say I'm sorry your here, I respect your Boundaries and I am happy you came here for support, [censored] happens!
