Here is an email exchange between ex and myself. I changed the names for privacy. The first is an email that ex sent me that sounds pretty normal.
Hi xxxxx,
just wanted to remind you that i will be picking up the boys for labor day weekend since they were with you for memorial day (see email responded from ). S9 caught a huge bluefish that won a prize saturday and they both caught several porgys (a flounder-like white meat)and said they were the best fish sticks they ever ate! also, xx had another stroke and has availability to get together on wednesday, 9/1/10. i'd like to see him as i never know if its going to be the last time we see eachother, whether he believes it or not. can the boys visit with me earlier, after S6's orientation? also i have "off" week before labor day so if you need me to watch them while you go o school we can arrange that.
My repsponse: Can you take the boys on Wednesday to their orientations? s9's school is having it between 1-2pm where you can go and drop off school supplies and see where your classroom is. s6's school is having it between 2-3pm. I have never been to his school so I don't know the layout. Can you find out the exact time school is let out and where I pick him up in case he is ever a walker? My dad is staying with me this week so he is able to watch them while I go to school. Thanks anyway.
Here is his loony reponse: did you write a letter requesting that they send report cards, calendars, and any other school mailings to both of their parents? i still havent seen their final report cards even after speaking with both their teachers and the principal several times during the year. also send me your school info because i can save several hundred dollars on health insurance that i can use to keep out of jail and stay at work. btw, i can watch the boys to save ur father a 3 hour trip from NJ without a problem. they dont like giving up their rooms and would definately like more time with their dad. also, im not being rude by keeping my distance from you during transfer times. the counseler at the mens group i attend insisted it after she heard about the last incedent where the cops got involved. she told me that u may be the type will remain angry forever and who does not want the proffesional relationship that many divorced people have. she told me the cops use info like the number of women that have been abused or even killed by former spouses and will arrest me without proof...
Ok, who sounds like the one who is trying to keep a profesional relationship here? I am the one that responded professionally and didn't engage in conversation about his friend. BTW, I am friends with his friend on FB and he is doing just fine. Ex makes it sound like he is on his death bed.
And he didn't even respond to me whether he will take the boys to their orientation for me.
He doesn't like when my dad watches my kids. I don't like when his gf watches my kids while he goes to work but do I say anything?
I will not be responding to his stupidness. I think he is so crazy that he actually doesn't see that he has been the bitter one since he walked out the door 4 years ago. Does he think getting into my face and throwing bookbags at me is keeping a professional relationship?
Miss H, did you get the health insurance business settled with him where he cancelled it? As far as the school records and report cards are concerned, all he has to do is contact the school. They are required to give him that information, so I don't believe it when he says he called them. I am in education, so I know! LOL You are right, he's crazy, you are better off not talking to him in any way.
Certainly sounds off his rocker. But the counselor does too if there is ANY truth to what he's saying. Just evidence that the choice of a counselor is a VERY important thing! Yikes!
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
Quite frankly, he's crazier than a loon, if you ask me. First, my radar went up on the offer to watch the boys for you. To me that means less money coming your way for child support. Second, his comment about the boys and their rooms..sounds to me like he wants to see what's up with where you live.
I don't trust him one iota. You've email was very business-like and courteous...he's playing the game and wants his responses to be in writing so that he can show that he's offered to assist you. Be careful.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
We'll agree he is a loon, as long as you promise not to get drawn into his stuff. Do Not respond to any statements regarding his being arrested without proof, or his men's group, or anything not directly related to the kids. He will imagine your responses to be what he thinks and wants instead of what you said.
In fact, I would suggest letting him say whatever makes him feel normal, as it may improve his behavior. But don't go so far as trying to validate anything other than pickup times and locations for the kids. Validating his meaningless attempts to portray himself as perfect guy will only lead him sense some kind of victory and control. You've seen that lead to him wanting more of both. Try to keep your posts shorter than his.
Think of it like testimony in court. The more you say, the more doors you open to cross examination. The more doors you open to being taken out of context. Not saying be rude. You know how to be polite or say thank you; just do so in brief exchanges.
No need to challenge his opinions of the kid's living arrangements at your home. They are what they are and they are not up to him to judge. He does not get to vote. Whatever he says the kids are telling him has no weight on how you raise them right. Unless he alleges something criminal or harmful to their health is going on, you need not respond to LooneyTunes dialogue.
Focus on the high road and avoid meaningless distractions. Take care.
He wants control so badly that he'll do anything to push your buttons. Being nice and offering to sit with the boys and then poking at you about their bedrooms, etc. Please don't buy into his drama.
Your xh is acting out once again...lights, camera, action! So, the drama continues.....just listen and then allow his nonsense to roll off your back. Mlcers love to hear themselves talk and they love to strut and preen when they think they have control and can manipulate you. Please, please do not buy into his drama. The only person who gets aggravated will be you if you spar w/him over his nonsense and that's what he wants...attention...good or bad.
You know what the truth is and so does your lawyer.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
BH, he never cancelled the health insurance. He just lied about it.
Al, what he really needs is a psychiatrist and not some counselor from a mens group. I seriously think he needs to be on meds.
Snodderly, the boys do not get kicked out of their room. He doesn't know anything. He's definetly a loon!
Hi Was! I never responded back to his ridiculous email. Trying to get him to see my point of view has always been a losing battle. I try to keep our communication as business like as possible.
With that being said...He took the boys to their orientations for school today as I had school myself. I sent him a TM asking him to find out some info that I needed to know for s6's new school. He never responded.
When he dropped the boys off today I tried to get his attention as he was starting to back out of the driveway. He ignored me so S9 ran to his car to tell him that I needed to ask him a question about their orientations. He rolled down his window a few inches and said, "I can't talk to you because I don't want to end up in jail". Then he drove away.
He is sooo...psychotic!
I asked S9, who heard what he said, if his daddy has been telling him that I am trying to send him to jail He said "no."
I then told s9, "sometimes your Daddy says things that are not true. Mommy is not trying to send him to jail, but Daddy needs to act appropriately and act like a grown up."
I don't need S9 thinking that mommy is evil and trying to send is Dad to jail.
So then ex texts me, "I don't feel safe around you".
I ignored that retarted statement and simply wrote back to him, "Until you can communicate with me in a professional manner, I will be handling their school issues myself. However, I will keep you informed of important issues"
He sent a couple of garbage replies to that which I chose to ignore.
I did not have to ask him to bring the boys to their orientations, I could have asked my father to go for me. I would of gotten the info I needed if I did. Instead, I figured since ex is their father I would send him. But now since he won't tell me what went on, I won't send him again.
Ms. H, The games he is playing will eventually do him more harm than good. Contact the school and request information about what you need. Do not rely on this person for anything in the way of information or actual assistance. Unless there's something in it for him, you not get anything out of him. In other words, he's unreliable and a pain in the @ss because he's acting out.
As for him not feeling safe around you...that's bs and he's playing it to the tune of tit for tac. Continue emailing when you need something from him, but don't buy into anything he says.
I do hope that you enjoy the holiday weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
