It has been 3 years since I have posted or been on the website. Let me give you a summary of my sitch... On 9/11/06 the bomb dropped. H leaving me and kids for OW. After months of DBing he returns 6/2007.
To start fresh, we moved our entire lives from FL to CO. We have had 2 babies in the meantime to add to our existing family of 3 kids. Life should be good - right?
Well, lately my H has been working long long hours. Now he is a farmer so that should be expected. But for some reason I have started to question his love and trust. I am acting crazy, accusing him of not being faithful, etc. We are really not seeing eye to eye these days. I have even started thinking about the OW again. Even looked her up on FB and started asking her ?'s about the past to her in email.
HELP..I need to refocus.
Me: 39 H: 41 M: 19 years 5 Kids: S18,D15,D12, D 18 MONTHS, D 3 MONTHS Bomb: 9/11/06 BACK TOGETHER: JUNE 26, 2007
Let me add a few more items to my story as I was interrupted by the kids..
What prompted me to hash all of the bad memories of the OW again, was that she found my H's farm on FB and became "friends". Now, it is a huge farm, so the person who accepted her friendship on FB didn't know who she was. My beef was the fact that she knew where we moved to, and where he worked. She could have only have known that if my H had told her which was well after we moved to CO.
So...I need to get my DBing face back on again. Not that I think we are headed for D, but so I don't push him away again with my emotional outbursts. After reading my threads from 3 years ago..I really did a 360. Now I can feel myself falling backwards with my emotions. I can't lose him again!
Me: 39 H: 41 M: 19 years 5 Kids: S18,D15,D12, D 18 MONTHS, D 3 MONTHS Bomb: 9/11/06 BACK TOGETHER: JUNE 26, 2007
Yes, well, even paranoid people have enemies, right? But it is possible to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, and it looks like you are working on that.
I was unsure after my H's affair too. I thought I would never relax, but it did go away. Of course, you are there to read the signals. Working late does not always mean an affair. Have you tried asking him if he is in contact with her again? Is her number in his phone?
I did ask him and I asked OW via FB.Both said no. OW even said she wouldn't hurt her nor my kids again and that she is in a relationship. I guess I get paranoid b/c H still lies to me about stupid things. For instance.. he got a credit card 2 years ago that he has been hiding. Only reason I found out is b/c he hadn't made a payment in 2 months so they were calling the house. I answered and was like, we dont have a credit card with you. H finally confessed. I am pulling statements to see what he spent money on...also, when I asked OW if H ever bot her a ring (which H totally denied 3 yrs ago) she said yes, and that she had it in her mom's safe. I asked for it back b/c we are paying for this ring since H charged. She got real mean and said she is keeping ring and that her & my H really loved each other. After hearing this from her, I knew I needed to get back on this website b/c I was letting my mind take control over my emotions.
Me: 39 H: 41 M: 19 years 5 Kids: S18,D15,D12, D 18 MONTHS, D 3 MONTHS Bomb: 9/11/06 BACK TOGETHER: JUNE 26, 2007
It sounds to me like you have good reason to be concerned. Paranoia is defined as "irrational fear," and I think your concerns are perfectly RATIONAL.
Unfortunately, if your wife IS back in contact with her (and I think the FB thing pretty much confirms that he is), he's only going to lie to you about it. And asking OW is similarly fruitless -- she will lie to you as well.
As part of your reconciliation, did you and your husband agree to be transparent with each other?
