Love is Unconditional

[Mystik]

I am struggling with the same thing, Roy. I try to leave my marriage at His feet for Him to restore how He wants it to be, but I keep snatching it back. I know I need to put it there and leave it there. But I do have the praying without ceasing down pat.

[Royloveshiswife]

It is definitely a struggle. But it what must be done. God never said our way and His way were the same. But His way is the best way. And I want the best marriage. So it has to be by Him. Read the book of Job in the Bible, or the story of Solomon. 2 completely different men, but both with good lessons to learn. Job was more blessed in the latter half of his life than he had been before Satan was allowed to strike him. Solomon screwed up his life on his own, by ignoring God, and it cost his heirs the kingdom. Everything is for His glory. I praise Him, now and forever. And when He restores my marriage, I will not have done anything right but to have leaned on Him. That is all He asks of us, "Put on the armor of God and stand." I will stand.
My wife asked me if I live to be 88 and my prayers aren't answered, what would happen to my faith. It will not waiver. I won't let it. God has a plan for me and He's not finished with me yet.

[missmyfriend]

@Roy, Irish, snowmn, mystik

Too bad I havent been online for awhile. This is some awesome stuff.

Standing because of a covenant is one that I understand. And I dont know if I can stand, for a time, and then decide no longer to stand. God has His plans, and I am not going to get in the way.

[missmyfriend]

This is definitely a tough Christmas for me. It is bad enough that I feel my children are accepting my wife's live in friend (and I feel that I have been replaced as their father) but a memory that belonged to my children, my wife and I will now be forever altered. My wife and the other person are taking my kids to Disneyworld next October.

As a family, we had gone twice. Last time we went was right before my wife told me she was leaving me. She was already having an emotional affair with the other person and the majority of our trip was ruined with all night phone calls that my wife would make.

Even then, my wife asked me if she and I could go to Disneyworld and stay at the more upscale resort and have fun.

I can't say how much this hurts. I have felt betrayed so many times in the past but this is really hard to handle. It feels as though she is trying to "over write" any of the memories we shared. She has done that with the kids and the other person for apple picking, special places we used to go and so many other things.

I feel like my children have no use for me anymore except for financial issues.

I am trying not to look at the circumstances. This really hurts.

[Mystik]

*hugs* I can't even imagine how much that hurts.

[Royloveshiswife]

My wife is rewriting all our history as well. She was never happy. I didn't do this. I did that. It's a coping mechanism. She has to believe she was always miserable and it was my fault. Otherwise, the looks on our children's faces would destroy her. This Christmas was very hard for me. I was at "our home" as a guest, so I could watch our children unwrap their presents. But it really hurt that under the tree were 4 gifts for her "friend," that my money paid for. My wife is unemployed at the moment. I don't mind to much about handing over so much of my paycheck to take care of my family (I give about 3x what the judge ordered) but to see it go for that bothered me. Finally, I gave into my feelings and left, otherwise my kids would have seen me utterly fall apart. Couldn't let them see that.

[missmyfriend]

Thanks Mystik. I know I didnt have to be so "sensitive" about things. I just really miss my family.

[missmyfriend]

@Roy, you putting your kids first is so important. Our children didnt ask for this. They have lost their feeling of security and the "happily ever after" that they thought existed.

My wife's significant other has worked hard to "replace" me and my children know that I will never leave them while their mom has shown that she will put herself first many times over them. Dont get me wrong, my wife has been an awesome mom and still loves our children very much but she has this mistaken opinion that our children are old enough to handle these things. The sad thing is that there are so many signs of how injured our children are.

Try not to get angry with your wife for the insensitive things she is doing. We have to show unconditional love to our spouses but at the same time try to do as much damage control for our childrens' sake.

Hang in there.