Good Morning! I am reading through the threads, waiting for my copy of Divorce Remedy to come from Amazon, but really want some advice now. My husband and I have been married 6 years, and we are a blended family. He left three weeks ago - when given the choice of "her" or "me," he chose to move in with "her." It is hard, but I am learning not to call or text him, and am actually having a great time with my new-found freedom! I have lots of girlfriends and a great support system, and my own kids are now grown and college-aged. His kids are with their mom, and he is neglecting his relationship with them totally, but that is his responsibility, and I am not taking that on. However, that leaves very few reasons for us to have to communicate at all, which scares me that the normal things that might eventually bring us back together will not work with us. I have friends that say "put the divorce in the works," and force him to decide if this is what he really wants, but I have others who say "wait and give him time to miss you and see that this affair is not going to be all he thought it was." Any advice from those of you who have experienced this situation will be appreciated! Did I mention that this seriously looks like a mid-life crisis for him, as it is so completely out of his character and he is like a different person than I married? Am I just delusional for still hoping this is "temporary insanity" on his part and we might still be able to work it out and have a great marriage if he comes to his senses?
Sorry you find yourself here, but at the same time, it's a wonderful resource with lots of caring people.
You may want to try posting over on the "Newcomers" forum, as you'll get a lot more traffic over there. I'll look for you there, but for now I will tell you that your husband's behavior is COMPLETELY "normal" for someone who's having an affair. And no, it's not hopeless -- I'm proof of that.
I am new to this situation just like you...I can tell you that the advice I am getting from the people on the MLC forum has been very helpful. My only advice (which isn't worth much considering my own situation)is to tell your friends and family that you are going to do it your way. Your friends and family sound like mine, they are hurting for you and angry - they only want you to stop hurting as fast as possible so they are going to tell you what they think is the fastest route to happiness.
Sad thing is...every route we take will be hard. Divorce is just a differnt battle I think, full of a different kind of misery.
The people on this site are going through the same thing you are and understand your situation better I think.
As many have told me - hang in there...
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
Thanks for your responses - I am hanging in there, and actually, am feeling like time IS my friend. I have a neighbor who I just found out is going through the same situation, and we are both able to laugh about how ridiculous our men are being, and she is the first one who told me, "Just hang on. Enjoy your time without him, because he'll be back and irritating you before you know it!" That and reading Divorce Remedy, which is helping me see and appreciate some small signs here and there give me hope that we might one day find ourselves on the other side of this mess. In the meantime, it's much more fun being on my own than I expected! He better not wait too long - I might get really used to being on my own! Cheers!
