I just ordered DR, but isnt it too late? So what you're saying is to do the opposite of what I'm feeling? So when he makes dinner, I should tell him he's an ahole?
No, that's NOT what I'm saying. Where did I say that?
I'm saying that DBing is counterintuitive, and when someone advises something these seems counter-intuitive to you, but both the poster and MWD are advocating it, to TRY it at least, before dismissing the advice.
@ris.....I have been seperated from my husband for 6 months and I have done all of these things. Is it too late for me to make a turn around and win my husband back? We still talk and are interacting with each other well. He is involved with a OW but we spend one day together every week.
Tay Tay,
It's never too late (I'm proof of that, as are many of the others on here), but spending one day per week with your husband while he's having an affair won't have anything to do with your eventual success, if you in fact succeed.
While they are in their affairs, they are for the most part physiologically blocked from allowing you to fulfill their emotional needs. Affairs are ADDICTIONS, and until you separate the addict (your husband) from the source of his addiction (his OW), he's going to remain blocked to you.
Its been a week since my husband told me he loved me but is no longer attracted to me "in that way" and he didn't think he would be able to get it back. I know he has some depression about other things as well. I begged for 3 days for him to stay and he said he needed time. We still slept in the same bed but it pained me to listen to him sleep and think about the future without him. I finally stopped begging and am giving him time to sort throughh his feelings.
Today, I went on doing my own thing (which we've been doing for a long time) but he was texting me today and letting me know where he's at and where he's going. He even said "bye" which he never does. I felt a glimmer of hope..am I wrong to think that he's somehow reaching out to me?
Then when I got home, he seemed upset, withdrawn as usual and went to bed with a sick stomach. This rollercoaster is killing me.
Any clue into the letting me know where he's at business?
Me 40 H 42 S 16 D 15 Together for 23 years Married 18 Blow up 8/21/10 DBomb-but hiding for the kids sake? 8/25/10
He's ambivalent/torn/confused. It will be a long ride on the runaway rollercoaster. Buckle up, focus on yourself and try not to mindread or overresponds to his approach behavior or you will go insane and be disappointed when he inevitably withdraws/avoids.
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
I mean even when they venture forward in approach behavior, it's almost always followed by a withdrawal of sorts. CDBear or someone on another thread puts it as the analogy of a scared squirrel approaching to eat out of your hand -- theyll venture forward, scamper back, venture forward to test, scamper back. Coach uses the cat analogy. In both cases, if you reciprocate the approach behavior, you scare them back to square 0.
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
Today, I went on doing my own thing (which we've been doing for a long time) but he was texting me today and letting me know where he's at and where he's going. He even said "bye" which he never does. I felt a glimmer of hope..am I wrong to think that he's somehow reaching out to me?
'92,
How many texts did he send you before you responded? How long did you WAIT to respond? What did you say in your responses?
If you can let us know a little more about how this went down, it will be easier to let you know if you messed up, or how you might have handled it better.
Well it finally happened. H went to therapist today and he told him sounds like its over and non recoverable. H said he was definatley over. Ugghhh..How do you start your new life at 40 when you have little work skills? The thought is soooo overwhelming.
Brings up all sorts of new pains. Told the kids we are are not getting along and I've moved into a spare bedroom. I think they have hope and it's killing me when I know it's over. Therapist said to ease them into it over time. H wants to live together till the kids are 18 but I don't think I can do this for 3 years. I have so much anger towards him for not trying one last time. H thinks it will benefit the kids, but how can it when I cant muster up enough to get mature to do it for them?
I'm no longer confused, it's clear as day and its so frightening. Ladies in younger relationships, pay attention to your mans emotional and sexual needs before he slips away. Make the time even when you don't feel like it. Make time for you as a couple even if pains you. 23 years of love for nothing, except my wonderful children that I'm afarid for as well.
Me 40 H 42 S 16 D 15 Together for 23 years Married 18 Blow up 8/21/10 DBomb-but hiding for the kids sake? 8/25/10
Let's assume that you have three years to get some marketable skills and get out in the world. The semester is just starting. Go to the nearest Community College and look at the programs they offer with the idea that you need to choose something to support yourself. Sign up! Go to class. Start moving on with your life. You will grow from this experience. It may not be what you want, but the choice is to sink or swim. I suggest you start swimming.
