We have come back together now and I am proud of his willing to work and seek counseling. I how ever have been working on my GAL keeping that up and not losing what I gained through this. I'm at the stage where I have learned of his actions through out the "break". He continues to state that he felt we would not ever be back together again hints the choices he made with other girls and new friends. He returns; I am happy because that is what I am ultimately content and wanting (why I'm on this forum in the first place) but it's hard to swallow my pride again. Each time we have had a break he runs off flapping his mouth saying we are broken up to everyone and then finds a void filler and involves some stupid girl in his affairs! I value my self growth and solitude through out this time I just wish or it wouldn't hurt as much, if he could have done the same. But no he didn't he did the very opposite drank, slung himself around, went where we go together where my acquaintances hang out to see his display of our lack of relationship ect.!
I'm trying to keep it together but here I am with my sexual health violated (yep got Chlamydia trachomatis disgust me to even type this admittingly), but I can't tell anyone out of cyber space because of the embarrassment!
So now on top of all the other issues we have to work on from the past 7 years here's another log to the fire. We are trying to schedule a counseling session (IMAGO therapy) ASAP, just fiances and scheduling has deterred the immediacy of this.
Last night I couldn't sleep because I was arguing with my own negative thoughts and disgust laying next to him. He is being very kind feels guilty and ashamed of the past 3 months but how am I suppose to be ok right now, I know I love the person he is but the person he is makes the stupidest juvenile decisions. I feel walked on like oh yeah I 'll take back this little boy who gets to run off pretend to be single with no attachment left to the past 7 years do what he has to do to learn this is where he wants to be (R)and belongs then I open arms and all is there to hold and comfort him and say "it's ok yep I love you, and I am fine with everything you do"
Ranting and rambling saying all the things I wish I didn't want to say out loud here. Thanks for reading and listing I'm just so angered now when I want to be happy joyous my missing piece to my heart has returned and all will be just fine.
Why do I have to be the level-headed strong one all the time? Or at least that is what it feels like cry
advice! needed now !
Me:25 fiance :29 about to be 30 in Sept. together: 7.5 years situation: separated 2.5 months July 15th 2010 happily talking! July 22nd, committed and ready to begin fresh
