The link above was a good article about the danger of seeing a bad therapist. At the end it has some questions about how you should research finding a good therapist. I can't stress enough how having a good FAMILY THERAPIST has helped me even before my husband and I decided to work on things.
Me: 28 H: 32 1st marriage 4 both 1 1/2 year married 2gether for 9 1S: 6months 1stepson: 2yo
An individual counsellor, even one you are both seeing is NOT a Family Therapist. Family Therapists, or Couples Counsellors have specialized skills in dealing with marriages in conflict.
Individual Counsellors help individual's overcome personal obstacles. Family Therapists help couples overcome marital obstacles.
yeah, my h's ic encouraged my h to leave a packed bag in the trunk of his car ... in case it got to stressful at home that he could leave.
i'm like .. excuse me? what have you been telling your ic? that i'm a threat? i'm 5'2" and he's 6'4" ..
while we were together, he didn't use that bag at all. and allen, i know you think it's a sign but no .. my intel sources indicated that it was the ic who suggested it.
I would call up the clinic of that IC and blast them... Report them.. they ARE licensed... I would really put the pressure on them.. That's a shameful way to practice health care
a therapist usually tells an abused wife to leave a packed bag in her car in case her husband attacks her.
this made me look like i was an abuser. i never laid a finger on anybody. i didn't create a stressful situation for anybody. when he wanted space, i gave him space. i gave him everything he wanted .. but what? because i was fighting for 50/50, it was making him all stressed out that he thought he was going to have a heart attack? and that made me an 'abuser'?!
he created it all himself .. and he has a packed bag in his car?!
i was afraid to go home because i didn't know what personality my h was taking on .. and nobody advised me to keep a packed bag in my car.
sigh .. it's been 6 months .. i can't believe it still gets me riled up.
Yup... The IC clearly has no training in marriage resolution... Any good FT would know that's the LAST thing you tell a spouse is to "pack so you can run out at any second"
That's the POINT, that marriage is hard and you have conflicts... And you STAY and WORK the SITUATION OUT... NOT running to an affair, to a divorce lawyer, or a hotel to HIDE like a CHILD
i did. they denied that therapist meant it that way and they claimed that they would only advise a patient to do so based on what the patient has told them.
i went to see an ic and even my ic didn't tell me to go pack a bag when i told her that i was afraid of going home. she saw that i wasn't in any physical danger so there was no need to.
what kind of message are you (the ic) sending when you tell someone to go pack a bag and leave it in your car?! they advised him to write me an ILYBINILWY letter .. they told him to break the news to me while i was away and giving him space.
what kind of therapist encourages someone to leave his wife?
i contemplated having a session with the same ic as my h and give it to her in person.
i know the sessions are supposed to be confidential .. but i found out the name of the ic via my own intel and i so want to give her a piece of my mind.
i felt he went in looking for validation for a d - cuz y'know, the longer he stayed married to me, he was going to die. the stress of living with me was going to give him a heart attack. a good therapist should know that what they are hearing is only one side of the story. there are three sides to a story. his, hers, and the truth.
you should never give advice based on one sided stories. telling him to pack a bag in his car sends a very bad message. what if the wife found out and accused him of infidelity and it created a bigger problem?
i just think that was the worst thing a therapist could advise a patient. it made me feel like i was being painted as an abuser .. when i felt that i was being abused in the relationship. he created an uncomfortable environment for me .. he verbally attacked me .. and the emotional abuse.
