It still hurts...alot

[dbs]

Well folks it's been awhile. One session with a mediator, and two with the judge. One more and it will be done. At least today all doubt was removed on why the W was treating me so nice (most of the time). $$$$$$$

We have one more for a final ruling, and I will be showing why she deserves no spousal $ as she now makes more $ then I and has left me solely to deal with mentally ill son.

It's in a way nice to see this coming to an end, but it still hurts like Holy Cow!

I see several sleepless nights in my future, but life will go on and at least I will no longer be in limbo.

The db's will become self helps to be a better person, and hopefully never be in this position ever again. And yet...boy it smarts!

[dbs]

Guys & gals-forgive me as I vent some here.

Lots of folks here and otherwise, including all my own kids have been telling me to get down the road, and I have gotten out of the way and let this d happen.

I have always tried to think the best (to a point)of my W and her motives. Today it seems they were made very clear. It was about the $. As the hearing progressed there were things said that did not make me feel warm and fuzzy, as is to be expected. On leaving the hearing I was visibly upset/dissapointed, but said nothing to her. She then calls out to me with a comment-"what? Now you're mad?". Is she really that...out of touch?

As she left the house afterwards, looking into what once were beautiful loving eyes, there is nothing there but emptiness and coldness. What a shame that she has made a choice to be this cold non feeling "poor me" victim, who blames everyone else for her unhappiness. I'm sure on the next go around, the judge will also be colluding with me to sap every bit of hope from her and add to her bitterness.

I feel terribly sad to see what she has become, and terribly sad to see where it has left us, me. I am going to do my best to wade through this abyss, but right now it is bleak, and will be for awhile.

Time will heal all scars if we let it, with God's help we can be whole again. I'm eager to get on that path, but realize there is a certain amount of pain and healing that must happen first.

I know many here feel this same sort of pain that just does not have to happen if different choices were made. Simple choices really to forgive, change ones attitude and concentrate on the positive. Such a waste of a productive life and how it robs others of productivity.

I am normally not so down through this, but today...well it's just got the better of me. Thanks for the shoulders!

[seeking answers]

DBS,

What you see in your W's eyes is typical of the MLCer. It is the pain, confusion, anger and unhappiness from within.

She is still deep within the tunnel and still believing this will make her happy. Even if she got everything she asked for in the D, she still will find no real happiness.

Please do whatever it is to protect yourself and your S. Do not worry about your W. She hasn't faced her issues and until she does you'll be blamed anyway, no matter what you do.

Step back and let your W's MLC run it's course. It's all you can do.

[pie]

I'm so sorry dbs, my thoughts and prayers are with you, and you can at least only really go up once you've hit rock bottom...the nice thing is , I think whether we try to or not, we heal, we float I'll be watching as you gradually float back up to the surface, and you will

[braveheart]

Its tough for awhile, but it gets a lot better. It would be a lot worse on you if you stood for 5 or 6 years, or even longer. You also need to understand this about these people, they are going to do what they want to, they don't care if they hurt you, make you or children suffer, it doesn't matter. The very best thing is to just move on and have nothing to do with her.

[Truegritter]

I know many here feel this same sort of pain that just does not have to happen if different choices were made.

Yes and it is important to remember that they are her choices.

Good to see you back here.

Also

She is in a battle.

Inside her.

You

Are the outward manifestation of her struggle.

You are the one fighting her.

So yes she is going to fight back with all her might against you.

Expect nothing different from her.

From you?

You control that my friend.

You love your wife.

Do you love her enough to love her when she makes choices that hurt herself

and

You?

Love her enough not to have what YOU want returned to you?

How would dbs express that love now?

[TRUSTING]

It is unbelieveable isn't it? I am sorry you are going through this. I can relate oh so much to your situation.
They lash out in pure hate no matter what you do. I would have to agree with braveheart, she is not going to change anytime soon. Her behavior could in fact get worse and more vicious. I am going on my 4th year of this stuff. Protect yourself and your child.

Hugs..

[dbs]

It's about 5 years now for me, so it's been awhile.

Express my love now? Yesterday I would have liked to sock her in the nose, but that would not be nice so...

She called this morning to see how "I was". Should I just be ok? Oh, she says.

Once the talking continued, she is hurting waaaay worse then me. I do feel pity for her. She is a lost little girl! Wow.

[fisherman]

There seems to be an awful lot of focus on her at the moment.

She called this morning to see how "I was". Should I just be ok? Oh, she says.

Perhaps the next "how are you" call you receive, you will be too busy to answer.

I do feel pity for her.

I'm not trying to be insensitive here, feeling empathy is good. Just be careful man, you are the one who really needs space from all of this.

She will pull you down if you get too close.

Feeling down? Change things up a bit.

[fisherman]

On leaving the hearing I was visibly upset/dissapointed, but said nothing to her. She then calls out to me with a comment-"what? Now you're mad?". Is she really that...out of touch?

Who knows how out of touch she is? Sounds to me like she's doing a little button pushing. Fishing for a bit a drama.

What a shame that she has made a choice to be this cold non feeling "poor me" victim, who blames everyone else for her unhappiness.

Just because you don't play her game doesn't mean you don't care for her.

I feel terribly sad to see what she has become, and terribly sad to see where it has left us, me. I am going to do my best to wade through this abyss, but right now it is bleak, and will be for awhile.

Perspective.

You've already been wading through it for a while now. It's tough and I'm not trying to minimize that.

Simple choices really to forgive, change ones attitude and concentrate on the positive.

Keeping working toward this.

Such a waste of a productive life and how it robs others of productivity.

It does for a time. It's almost unavoidable. There comes a point in time though where we need to stop allowing ourselves to be robbed.