Hi All, posted here before, but then wasnt sure if it was MLC, well still not sure, but there are elements, so think I'll stick here , there might be advise available that you cant get on newcomers thread
PIE, Welcome to MLC. I have to leave for work or I'd read your whole Sitch. I will first thing this afternoon. There are some wonderful people here with good advice, and great resources. Hang in there, I'm sure you'll get some Hello's soon.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
A bit more on the part he spoke about work, he's becoming a bit suspicious of his best friend (started up the business with him, the one who basically replaced me!! I joke that he's married to this guy now, they spend every waking moment together).
He is a bit paranoid that he is trying to do stuff in the business behind his back , H has HUGE trust issues (Scorpio), anyway I've noticed that whenever trouble brews between them, H comes to me to vent and offload about it.
That can be a good and a bad thing? Good as in he's confiding in me and trusts me, bad as in I feel like I'm backup friend B...:(
When friend A is available, I'm not so needed
I dont know, probably overanalysing again....sigh....
Hi Punkin hehe, we should get together: punkin pie LOL never won awards for my lame sense of humour Thanks for the welcome!! I know theres a bunch of lovely people here judging by reading everyones sitches! I'm here for a while i guess nice to meet you !
Welcome to the board. I have not read your previous thread yet but maybe later today.
Right now I am in the middle of Cas's thread.
Have you read the MLC resources yet? I can ask my friend "cadet" to post them on your thread if you need them. You may have already read those listings as they been posted on many different threads.
WOW, I already feel at home thanks Lance, Trugritter and Missherlove, yes there were crickets chirping over there, was beginning to think that I was in the twilight zone
I've researched MLC and read all the interesting titbits posted by oldpilot and been reading through some sitches too, so I know what to expect - ish, but patience is killin me!!
And I'm a little unsure of things, well alot sometimes, and thats where you guys will help, especially when I feel like I'm about to run off into the hills tearing my hair out and screaming I cant' anymore!!!!!
Hi Pie - Punkin here. We'll be a riot around Thanksgiving. Anyway, I read your whole thread from Newcomers on. So here's MHO FWIW: Your husband comes and goes pretty much as he pleases. You need to set up a schedule of visitation and stick to it. Make a boundary. Either he's in your marriage or he's not. If not, then there will have to be rules to follow, for your own well being and sanity.
I have no kids at home, so I don't have that to deal with, but I do know that where there is smoke there is fire, and where there is fire there is usually a bimbo. Don't go snooping, it'll only get you hurt. Make some boundaries for your life and make him follow them. He is cake eating like a mad man.
Second, and this goes along with the first - DETACH. Live your own life. It's great that you go out with your BFF's, but not when he's at home babysitting, so he knows exactly what time you get home and who brought you. He's still controlling your life, and using your child as the hook.
You have to make a life that doesn't include him in it, just like he has done to you. The sooner you are able to do that, the better you will feel, and the less time you will be on the roller coaster. Time and perspective have a way of changing appearances.
I hope I didn't offend you in any way, but that is just the way it sounds to me.
((HUGS))
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Hi Punkin:) LOL, wonder if anyones got a turkey handle heehee! Nooo you didnt offend me! Any and all advise is always welcome! The whole boundries thing, I started doing that a while ago, which definately helped, not with him coming and going, but with how I will and wont be spoken to, and what my 'limits' are. It made an instant change just about, and I think thats when he started becoming friendlier, and more comfortable.
I feel like I've been through the going relativly dark process, and its brought us to the point where we are at now, friends. I feel like its progress, and I'm not really wanting to set boundries on him wanting to come visit, because when he is here (most times) he is actually engagin with ME and only a little with S, so I feel he's trying to reconnect on a friendship level, and I dont want to muck that up. I feel its a babystep.
I havnt done the 'him babysitting' since I last spoke of it, i get a sitter, and he's very quizzy where i've been. i dont overly oblige, but I've always been sucky at being secretive, but its something that I'm working on
The difficulty is the 'being mysterious' bit. If he doesnt find out from me what my plans are, he can find out from my friends, who are still his friends The sitter is also relative of his BMF, so I've started being vague, but I still suck at it, and sometimes just offer up stuff without thinking...oh dear, thats the one part of DBing I essentially suck at baaadly! I reckon when I can get that right, things will change even more!! Any help with that would be appreciated!! I've just always been an open and honest person!! Hit me over the head someone!
