Moving On..

[marie2235]

After trying everything, I have finally come to the conclustion that it IS time to give up. I never thought I would say those words. I think about so much good advice on this board - thanks Allen and Puppy, to name a few. The only thing I can do, for myself and my children, is to move on, stop being stuck in limbo and make a new life for us.

Who knows, maybe it will bring my H back, but right now, I really don't care. I could never trust him again and after the way he has treated myself and our kids, I don't know if I would want him back.

What finally did it for me was this: it is bad enough my H is cheating on my with a 20 year old, has a joint bank account with her, recently got a PO Box and so much other stuff, but the final blow I guess I needed was him saying to me, " NOt only do I not love you, I don't care about you. I don't care if I am hurting you or your feeings. I have no feelings left whatesoever."

I cried for days over that one. But, in the end, it made me stronger. I have had it with getting my heart broken by this man. I can not let anyonoe trat me like that. I deserve so much more.

He told me - for about the 10th time, he is moving out as soon as he can "afford" it. But, I can't move on with my life and continue the greiving/healing process until he does. I can't afford to stay where I am without all of his income. I believe staying in our home is best for our kids - for a lot of reasons. So, I don't know what to do next.

Is it a good idea to just go ahead with the Divorce and let him stay here until he can afford to leave? It doesn't sound like a good idea, but I can't think of any others, then to be stuck in this unhappy place we are in now.

Any adive?

[TimeHeals]

I have finally come to the conclustion that it IS time to give up.

What exactly are you giving up on though?

Trying to change somebody else or waiting for them to change?

Everybody gets to this point, so I don't mean any disrespect. I think the next phase, however, is that you realize that what you are giving up is just a bad habbit you have had. Kind of like giving up smoking.

So, I don't know what to do next.

If you need to be away from him, then you start making plans that don't include him, and you just do what you have to do.

Any adive?

Nope, but if you need him to move, and he won't move, then you need to start making plans that don't include him, and if you can afford an attorney, get one.

[marie2235]

Thanks, TimeHeals.

I didn't think of it like that. I know I can't change him - it has to come from him and he has no interet in changing. He doesn't think he is doing anything wrong and everything that happened in our marraige, according to him, is "my fault", anyway. It's also "my fault" he is cheating, because I "drove him to it" WHAT A ..... I am so glad I see that now.

I like the idea of thinking of it like giving up on a bad habbit - the hardest part is that is was a habbit that lasted 20 years.

I am going to GAL and try to do all the things I have always watned to.

I can't afford a laywer, so I think I will have to just go with making plans that don't include him for now. Kind of pretending he is alredy gone and try not to think too much. I like the steps I have taken and don't want to fall back into the past.

Letting go... one of the hardest things I have ever done. What was that saying on the Disney movie, The Incredables? Something like, "Keep Moving Forward"

[TimeHeals]

Yep, letting go of trying, hoping, and waiting for somebody else to change is a nasty habbit, and it's a hard one to kick, but....

If they are in orbit around another body, why make them the center of your orbit? You don't have to be nasty, you don't have to be unkind, you don't have to expect anything at all if you are finding your own voice and your own life.