Verbal or withdrawing lesser of two evils

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My wife felt dominated and controlled in this marriage. I seems to have opinions about everything - even things that most men overlook, like clothes and housekeeping. I often get angry and verbally abusive when I do not feel I have been heard, or the same issues keep coming up.


With some exceptions, our relationship has been deteriorating for the past four or five years. We did not fight a lot, my

wife doesn’t like any type of confrontation..

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The pattern is that I gets angry, she gets depressed, she withdraw, I gets more angry. While she punishes me by withdrawing.

My wife would feel degraded if I had said the noodles in the spaggeti were over cooked?? What is that ??? It is just a comment with no hurt intended.

She has low self esteem and I never new my strength of overpowering her.

My upbringing was one of the belt to learn a lesson.
My wife would get punished my her dad not talking to her for days on end.

Which is worse.
In a roundabout way they are just as painful.

So here we are with two small children and legally separated. I have been working my emotions for the last 7 months with councilors.
My wife needs to understand and deal with her emotions which shut down. She keeps it all in for a very long time and then BAM “ I do not want to spend the rest of my life with you”

She is unwilling to ask for help with her issues, I think she feels like she has none. She said it was my falt for pushing her away.

She is currently on FB chatting with a hole new set of gent's that will build her confidents.