Hey Puppy Great wealth of information here!! In VA it's also a 50/50 state Virginia has adopted the "equitable distribution" model of dividing marital assets. I know in my case for spousal support I have been told since we have been married for almost 6yrs 2.5/3 yrs is my sufficient case for spousal support. (not that I want to take it, but I need it till I finish my degree and get on my feet).
In my case my W committed adultery and VA if you are intimate again: The court feels I have forgiven her:
Generally, if you knew your spouse committed adultery but continued to live and cohabit with your spouse, then adultery cannot be used as a ground. Once you resume marital relations, after you learned of the adulterous act, the courts feel that you have forgiven, or "condoned," the act. But, if your spouse starts having affairs again, you can then sue on grounds of adultery. Or, if your spouse has had several affairs and you knew of and condoned only one, you may file on adultery regarding the newly discovered affairs.
In Va if you have kids you have to be separated for 1yr, but in my case it’s six months as S is not biologically mine. You will also need a separation agreement which will cover a wealth of information, but don’t sign until you Lawyer has looked at it. Also if you’re separated and are intimate your separation date has to start all over again from that date
My W and I don’t have too much, but the house; W has a Lawyer I have one if needed, but it’s expensive. At first we were going to do mediation or a lawyer who specializes in collaborative law. However as of our last argument I don’t know where we stand.
So make sure you protect yourself as we disagree on things on our separation agreement. You can always set up free consultations to get great advice. I meeting with someone who specializes in collaborative law next week.
Thank you so much. That is a wealth of information. Sorry I have been away for about a week with work and having to re-connect with my family (mother and sisters).
I am still working on the letter and expect to post it tomorrow, so looking for your feedback. An Update:
H has called numerous times and emailed with thoughts like "Happy Monday", "Happy Tuesday" messages. He tells me he is lonely and not really not liking some of his colleagues because they "complain" all the time. It was one of the things he complained about before he left me and our home. His messages (voice messages left for me at work - I can't change my number at work) seems like he is so sad.
I know I am stil vulnerable, but I am keeping strong and staying dark. He left another message for me today saying he tried calling me on my work provided cell and my desk phone and couldn't reach me, he says he had a long day and wanted to talk. I feel sorry for him is all...:(
Well, it looks like my job may be improving and hopefully it means an increase in pay so that I can begin absorbing more of the house expenses.
I don't have a separation agreement and I want to see how the exposure plays out before I have my L draft an agreeement (legal fees are expensive here!!) if it comes to that point.
Your thoughts?
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
He's an addict and they are great at soaking up sympathy from anyone who will extend it to them... It is a ruse in order for the addiction to exploit you further.. that is how addictions thrive, on the sympathies of others...
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
Good afternoon. I hope everyone is making it through this hot summer day. I have a virus infection, down for the count yesrterday. But, my H has been consistently and fervently trying to reach me.
He hasn't been rude; I haven't spoken to him. Keeping my distance. Actually baking a cake right not. Feeling better and have a sweet tooth for a slice. With the LBS diet taking off 25 lbs, and me feeling like I am once again 25 (maybe that is taking it too far), I can afford a slice. The rest sharing with neighbors.
My letter goes something like this:
"My Husband, your brother, uncle, friend and colleague has been engaged in an affair with a woman at work for at least the last year. I was initially very devestated as he spent our wedding anniversary wining and dining this homewrecker. Her name is Amy and she reports to him. As you know, he left earlier this year indicating that he was unhappy with me. Well, it is due to his shameless affair and unfair treatment of me as the enemy through this. I am seeking your support in ending this affair by removing yourselves from his life as he has told each of you a lie as to the reason behind HIS leaving. I asked him to go to counseling even after I found out about the affair and he went 3 times together only for me to find out that he was still seeing her while we attended those counseling sessions.
She is a a friend of him on Facebook, now that I have given you her name, each of you will know who she is. The commitment, as you all know, he has for military service makes this affair even more damaging to his future/career/ and retirement from the military.
I have been a good wife, friend, and sister to each of you. I have not cheated or been untrue in any way towards my Husband, it is truly unfair and unbecoming a soldier/sailor for him to treat me, our marriage, and our lives in such a reckless and careless manner.
I am seeking your support."
THOUGHTS?
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
This is good, give me the evening to touch it up a little, I will post an updated version, this is like 90% solid as is... Just a few tiny things I would change a small bit
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
I recently discovered my Husband, your brother, uncle, friend and colleague has been engaged in infidelity with a woman at work for over a year. I am devastated. He was so hurtful that he spent our wedding anniversary with this woman while I sat home alone feeling worthless and alone.
This woman is his subordinate in their workplace - Amy. My husband lied to me that he was unhappy with me and walked out of our home earlier this year. At first I thought his leaving was the marriage failing. Amy is violating my marriage and home.
I ask for your support simply by removing yourselves from his life and his affair. I apologize that my husband is lying to you. Until you have the truth you are supporting Amy and the affair instead of marriage and commitment. You are entitled to make an informed choice.
Despite this woman's egregious attack on my marriage, and my husband's horrible abuse I am willing to accept that our marriage is like any other and less than perfect. Even after I found out about the affair I invited my husband to explore counseling. My husband attended three sessions. He lied to both me and even the counselor about his affair. He was still having an affair with Amy in secret during each of those counseling sessions.
I was and I still am attempting to own and repair our marriage. I made an honest commitment and I only ask that he cooperate with me in repairing this marriage. Despite our going to counseling Amy has decided to continue to attack our marriage making it near impossible to recover. Our counselor advised me that until Amy leaves my husband alone and allows him to repair his marriage that our marriage is at a stalemate.
I am devastated and frustrated beyond description.
She is a a friend of him on Facebook, now that I have given you her name, each of you will know who she is. The commitment, as you all know, he has for military service makes this affair even more damaging to his future/career/ and retirement from the military. I am hoping you may be willing to talk some sense into him before he ruins both his career and all the years we have invested in this marriage.
I have been a good wife, friend, and sister to each of you. I have not cheated or been untrue in any way towards my Husband. It is truly unfair and unbecoming a soldier/sailor for him to treat me, our marriage, and our lives in such a reckless and careless manner.
I am seeking your support.
I want to tighten this a bit more... I think its too long... It's mostly the same as yours only a few changes.
I think it should be about half this long really.. But as is its pretty good. I may poke at it again to see if I can make it more concise... You want people to read it. They may be more interested in reading it if its shorter.
Oh thank you and QS, and Puppy for your help. I have been scared to exposed because of his reaction, but I am feelign more confident and in control than ever. He sent me an email today that said:
"been real shi&&y day so far - getting worse... I'm overwhelmed here. Need someone to talk to."
What is happening with him?
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
