Well then, just another 2cent comment. The person that will benefit the most from changing your attitude and working on the depression, will be you! Follow through on the GAL, conduct yourself with honor and integrity, and you will be surprised at how much EVERYONE around you will be affected, in a positive way. That can only be a great thing, yes?? Good luck and God bless!
Thanks Rob. Just got off the phone with OM. I shocked him to say the least.
W is heading to fam reunion tomorrow morning with S15.
I'll tell her tonight that she'll be needing other living arrangements when she gets back.
By the way, I first told her to end this and end it now. She refused. This was upon my discovery of OM last night.
I actually feel good this morning!
Well you gave her a chance to end it, she said NO, that's fine, give her what she wants, if she wants the OM, tell her she can have him, you won't stand in her way and then you tell her to move out the way I laid it out for you in the previous post and tell her on top of that, that you BOTH will sit the kids down and tell them what's happening with the two of you separating and her moving out and again she moves out: if she wants the freedom to have an affair and pursue a relationship with the OM, she can do it while living elsewhere, you won't allow that to happen in your home where you & your kids live, its disrespectful to you & them. She's an adult, she wants all this freedom, you won't stand in her way, you'll help her pack if she needs the help and even put the boxes on the moving truck for her, this won't be a slow move either, this needs to happen within a few weeks, no time like the present.
I wish I had been able to apply such a philosophy sooner in my situation, but the reason I didn't, and couldn't, is one that is ignored by this philosophy. My kids. My young kids who were being put through h*ll by their mother's reckless actions. I couldn't just say "Fine. You want him, you can have him", because I would effectively be saying "Fine. I freely give up half my kids' lives, and have no problem with you bringing a predator step-father into their lives." I was also grieving horribly for the loss of the family the kids were enduring. When kids are involved, especially young kids, it's not a simple act of letting the wayward spouse go, because they take some of the kids' lives with them. No court in my state would have ever awarded me with full custody.
Nobody here has ever advocated that thinking. Your WAS is already splitting time with the kids and introducing the OP to them. That's why you have a L, Gucci calls it "having your ducks in a row." Seperation/Divorce agreements have some very specific language about time your children can spend with other adults. Break a judges order and see how that works for you.
A WAS and their L know how to prey on your "feelings." A good DBer will check their emotions/feelings at the door (detach), use their brain and combat their WAS feelings with feelings. You can't apply your logic to someone else's feelings and expect it to influence them. You change how they feel about you.
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My young kids who were being put through h*ll by their mother's reckless actions.
How much control does any of of us have over another person? You can take lots of productive action for yourself and your family. Protect your finances and emotional well-being. Know your legal rights. Use your spiritual side. Be loving to yourself, kids, family and your WAS. Be a person of high character, values and morals. Set personal, legal, moral boundaries and enforce them. Become the best person you can in a tough enviroment - thrive.
I think fear is the biggest enemy of any DBer. The solution is to "love yourself." All the DB techniques and good advice here boils down to that concept. It's very attractive as well. How confident do you look when you accept that you are already dead (divorced)? It's not that you don't want to survive but that you accept that you don't control the outcome but will do whatever the situation calls for without hesitation. Do you want to face that person? Who would you follow? Lead your family.
Well you gave her a chance to end it, she said NO, that's fine, give her what she wants, if she wants the OM, tell her she can have him, you won't stand in her way and then you tell her to move out the way I laid it out for you in the previous post and tell her on top of that, that you BOTH will sit the kids down and tell them what's happening with the two of you separating and her moving out and again she moves out: if she wants the freedom to have an affair and pursue a relationship with the OM, she can do it while living elsewhere, you won't allow that to happen in your home where you & your kids live, its disrespectful to you & them. She's an adult, she wants all this freedom, you won't stand in her way, you'll help her pack if she needs the help and even put the boxes on the moving truck for her, this won't be a slow move either, this needs to happen within a few weeks, no time like the present.
Something you need to know about me. I'm a car salesman. You would not believe how well I can suspend emotion and get my point across with a rehearsed script or just on the fly.
This disc. last night put the iron back in my spine.
I didn't realize that it had been this long since I had posted.
She is flying to meet the OM this weekend. It's literally killing me.
It turns out that our oldest daughter saw all this go down on friday night the 10th in a bar. This predator is her softball coach. She tried to get her Mom out of there but it got ugly.
Daughter now knows what is up after coming to visit my wife and I and finding this wreck.
Wife had been lying to her as well as everyone else.
So, all kids are aware, all close friends are aware.
Out of them all there are 2 enablers with one being d23.
And she is still pushing the destruct button dammit!
I moved out this last weekend. I've been dark since Sunday.
That is amazing! 1 e mail Monday.
Today, 1 e mail, a phone call, and a tm. None answered of course.
I'm betting my brother that tomorrow brings 5 total.Ha Ha!
I don't really care at this point, I'm finding I feel detached, kind of floaty. This thing that she's doing this weekend has got me weirded out. One minute I want to kill and then I go calm and tell myself to let God handle it.
Frickin' emotions! It's good though. What got me here was my inability to hear and talk with my heart. Way too much cranium!
Next week is gonna be special I think.
5 miles a morning and a good sweat before work. From 12 plus cups of Coffee a day to half a cup and some green tea.
4 months quit on a 23 year habit of smoking and even this crap isn't bringing that nastiness back.
I'm feeling incredible on the phys. side!
Baptised this past saturday to boot. Spritually amazing!
