Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it

[ImprovedRomeo]

It's time for a new thread. I feel I've come a long way in accepting the reality and marching lockstep with the D process. I have also come a long way since all this started way back in 2006. My sitch is summarized in my signature, not sure if there's much more I want to add to it.

Moving forward my goals at a high level look like this:

1. Get through the D
2. Be the best dad for DD and learn to parent alone
3. Move on in life

I know I have a long road ahead and I hope some of you will continue to be there to share your advice and deliver the 2x4s.

[soleil]

Hooray! You can do it

This is a new beginning/new chapter in your life.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Hey thanks Sol!

To answer your question about DD's time we split it 50/50. Oh and you're welcome to come to the animal farm with us- I'm not turning down any female company these days lol

So I sent STBXW the email and added a couple of other things including a suggestion for a co-parenting counselor and some insurance related stuff.

[newmama]

I like the title of your thread! I haven't heard that expression before! Yes, the email sounded good- curious to hear how she will respond!

those goals are easy to remember and to the point.
I am still working on being emotionally stable, lol!

[g450]

Im still not clear as to what being "emotionally stable" means. I still break down sometimes but rarely now. Is being stable mean that I could care less about her?

At least Im dating now and it feels good to talk to women. But often times I find myself wondering if my X is doing the same thing. Lord knows that her EA wont last forever because he is not going to leave his wife and five kids for her. She is still living in her fantas world I guess.

Anyway, sorry for the highjack.

[newmama]

I think emotionally stable means feeling "even" for most days of the week instead of SUPER HAPPY then ANGRY then CONFUSED then SAD then normal, etc...

sorry for t/j Romeo!

[whatisis]

Im still not clear as to what being "emotionally stable" means.

"Emotional stability is the opposite of emotional reactivity, which is the tendency to experience negative feelings. Those who score low on emotional stability may experience primarily one specific negative feeling such as anxiety, anger, or depression, but are likely to experience several of these emotions. People low in emotional stability are emotionally reactive. They respond emotionally to events that would not affect most people, and their reactions tend to be more intense than normal. They are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening, and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. Their negative emotional reactions tend to persist for unusually long periods of time, which means they are often in a bad mood. These problems in emotional regulation can diminish ones ability to think clearly, make decisions, and cope effectively with stress."

I made that up...OK, I googled it!

[ImprovedRomeo]

Here's her response:


There is really no way I can come over with movers and pack little things at the same time they are supposed to be moving. It just doesnt' work that way. So either I can come over and pack the little things and have the movers get them with the furniture, that might work better. I will make sure to get some boxes to use and let me know when I can come over to pack little things. Then after I know how many boxes I will call the movers. They will come over and pick up the stuff and I don't need to be there, I'll just wait for it at my house since I'll probably have DD.

I'm fine with having a small dinner or lunch with DD on her bday along with some cake. Either you can buy something or I can make it, doesn't matter. Just let me know what time and where you want to meet. If you want to drop her off on Sunday to spend the day/night with me, that works for me too.

I am still having a party for her but it might also be a good idea to have a school party too. She always likes that.

You can remove me from your healthcare plan when the divorce is finalized. You will be able to make the change at any time outside of enrollment period as it's considered a qualifying event.

Sure on the co-parenting thing. We can try her.

Please don't forget to call the water company to put your name on the bill. They said they have to shut off the water and get a turn on notice. They are open 7-4 and the number is xxx and I told them to wait a few days to let you call in.

[newmama]

Hmm. My take is that you were to the point, not putting up with her bossiness and she is humbled, sort of. This may not be the best description. But it's like she "respects" you.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Timely post NM, I was just browsing before turning in for the night. I have DD the next several days while STBXW is out of town.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear it from your PoV because I thought it was still pretty bossy like she said "It just doesnt' work that way" and then when I asked her when I could take her name off my health insurance since my open enrollment for the year is ending next week her response was until the D is finalized. Why on earth does she think I'll pay for her expensive PPO plan for another 6-10 months while she's getting petty on me asking for less than $50 bills when I'm already paying her thousands in spousal support.

Then she doesn't even remind me to pick DD up since she left town today just in case there's no mixup or in case I forgot. You know common courtesy since we switched days to accomodate her plans to fly back to her home.

So I thought she's being snotty? Maybe it's just me.